Tuesday, May 26, 2009

StaffFicRec: Fic According to Pastiche

Pastiche Pen

Well, This Sucks: Life According To Seth

So, sometimes you just want to laugh at the wrongness of it all. Like laugh and laugh, and giggle and fall on the floor and snort—even if it makes a really weird sound—and laugh. The laughter will not be feminine. It will not be cute. It will be fucking asinine.

Though never lame.

In "Well, This Sucks: Life According to Seth," we get to laugh this way, because yeah, Seth Clearwater does indeed laugh at the wrongness of it all—and more importantly, he WRITES about the wrongness of it all, and thus, we fortunate readers are gifted with the rare but inspiring epistolary format of Seth's "Man-journal," because as a teenage boy, calling it a "diary" would just be...

Um, yeah.


Dudes don't do that, and Seth Clearwater is a dude.

And now, you’re all like, "WTF?! Edward told Jake that Seth has the 'kindest, purest thoughts he’d ever heard,' so what's with the snarky teenage boy voice? That's not canon!"

Yeah, yeah, yeah, face the facts: Stephenie Meyer had a mommy-complex, in which she fiercely clasped onto the idea that some little boys will be the exception and never outgrow their Precious Moment innocence. No matter that they gain the bodies of twenty-five year old males with hormones to match. No matter if their dad died. No matter that their mom is making out with Charlie Swan on the couch. No matter that they already think it is really cool trying to kill evil things.

Like vampires.

In “Life Sucks” not only do we get hilarity, quirk, and plot—but the writing and storytelling is stellar, too. Krum Cake does not choose between the Seth who fought Victoria and Riley and the same kid who Edward described as having “pure thoughts,” because her Seth is both. He is unbelievably caring—pretty much to a fault—and highly self-aware of his own oddities. Now, you get an example:

May 11, 2007

Word of the Day: awkward.

Someone knocked on the door this morning, and I was expecting it to be Charlie, so I opened the door without thinking, and suddenly I was staring up into the face of Sam Uley.

“Is Leah home?” he asked.

I should have said no, but the thing is, it’s really hard to lie when you’re wearing a pair of pajama pants with cheerful frogs on them and holding a bowl of Cheerios while milk dribbles down your chin. When you look that ridiculous, you’re already so fucking transparent that lying only makes you into a bigger asshole.


Krum Cake basically takes that "perfect, sweet little boy" idea and stomps on it and then makes mud cakes. Perfect little mud cakes with twig embellishments and testosterone. Seth Clearwater is complex but dumb guy-simplistic. He's a super hero but a summer school attendee. He's a fiercely loyal little brother but a wanna-be loveh. He over-thinks EVERYTHING.

Like imprinting.
Like his sister’s heartbreak.
Like weddings.
Like summer school.
Like how Lauren Mallory is annoyingly hot.

Now for those of you Cullenites out there, you still do get glances of our beloved vampires—and they’re great. Emmett is hilarious in this fic, and Seth’s perspective on the external working of the Cullen household is a unique one, to the least. There is betting. Nessie is made fun of. Seth eats all their food. Oh, and vampires still smell bad.

There’s so much I want to say about this, but really—humor is best heard first hand, so go laugh your ass off and read this fic. Also, now is the time to get on the band wagon, folks, because Krum Cake last updated like last year but has promised (as of recently) that she’s going to start updating again in early June—which is soon, so go be a dear and encourage her with your reviews and let Seth’s Man Journal give you a light-hearted break from the romantic angst.

Pastiche Pen probably shouldn't be allowed to rec stories or write a column, much less write her own author blurb, but then Smellyia had a deranged moment of weakness and made her an admin. Hah. And now she gets to write WHATEVER SHE WANTS. Thus, no one should be surprised if nuns, gnomes, or Battlestar Galatica references come out of frackin' nowhere.



    She hasn't updated in forever, but I know she's busy with school. Still, great choice with this one!

  2. Pastiche!

    Thank you so much for this rec! I believe it may have made my life.

    I am always on the lookout for wolfy fics, mostly because the snark that rolls off of them is epic and I love that shit. This fic does not disappoint, and I found myself laughing out loud while at my desk at work ... and garnering some strange looks as I did so.

    Thanks, love. For reals.

  3. YES. Good wolfy fics are hard to come by--and when they're good, they're soooo good.

    Mostly cuz unlike the Cullen's, some stuff is actually fresh.

    And she has promised that she would update soon on her profile, on her LJ, and in the summary of her fic. So, I'm fully expecting my early June update.

    Otherwise, I'll probably harass her until she posts something. Heh.

  4. Wow. Just...wow.

    This is Krum Cake, and I don't even have words for how flattered and honored I am to have been featured on this blog and to have gotten such a glowing recommendation. I was completely unprepared for the EXPLOSION when I opened my inbox this morning of people who have now disovered my silly little story through this site.

    Pastiche Pen, you are an absolute doll. I know I haven't gotten around to responding to your reviews yet, but I appreciated every singe one. And this...I don't even know how to begin to thank you. I think my ego just grew by about 500% today, and I've been smiling non-stop.

    I have in fact stated fairly recently that I plan on updating in June, and I think I'll confirm that in a fourth location, right here on TLYDF: I am going to update in June as soon as I finish up finals and move out of school. My last day is June 10. BAM. CONFIRMED.

    Thank you so much for having such kind things to say about my story and my portrayal of Seth -- I appreciate it so, so much, and it just about means the world to me.

  5. Yay Krum Cake! So excited for you to finish school to get some Sethy updates! :-D Good luck with finals!

  6. I am so, so happy that "Well, This Sucks ..." got a rec. It is well deserved, and Krum Cake's writing is hilarious, but also warm and often heartbreaking. I can't wait to see where this story goes.

  7. Yay! June 10 is MY BIRTHDAY! Okay, I'm super happy now. :-)

  8. Yes! So glad to know you're going to update again. Great rec, PP. I adore this story, and I'm glad others are getting to know this kick ass story, too.


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