Monday, May 11, 2009

AdminFicRec: The NM AU Mindfuck


This is the first word that comes to mind when I'm asked to sum this story up. I mean this in the most sincerely flattering fashion, of course. Sometimes I just dig a good, thorough mindfuck. In the world of New Moon Alternate Universe's you can usually expect to see the same plot devices. Even the more original NM AU's all share the same similarities; Bella's stronger willed, Edward is borderline emasculated as he comes back and is forced to grovel, beg, etc, etc. Those are great, don't get me wrong. I love a good, pissed-the-fuck-off Bella that always indulges my more feministic nature, too.

This is not the case in Moonlight's Shackles, though. The Bella in this NM AU is a lot like she was in canon. Sad, lonely, longing, numb, zombified, and well... a little fucking insane, but I don't judge, Bella. I don't. I like you crazy. Your insanity is interesting and I'm intrigued by default when you zone out into some surreal and freaky Edwardian dream sequence. So, you go, girl.

Getcha crazy on.

This is Bella's main issue. Whenever she thinks too deeply about Edward, she goes bye-bye. Not in the literal sense, but her mind takes her back to some random memory of when they were together and happy, and lives it out. She wakes up hours later with no memory of what happened. I suppose it could be described as a black-out.

But then her words registered. That had been what Edward said. She knew Edward. And then she realized her mistake, she had thought his name. Quickly, but slowly enough, she realized it and oblivion descended. The rest of her lunchtime disappeared.

The next morning, Bella awoke by rolling out of her bed and hitting her head on the floor. The physical pain was enough to disjoint the mental.

The author, S.R Devaste, or sigh_for_sigh, says: However I am trying my best to keep Bella from going batshit crazy either; I think it’s a progression. People are complicated.

Make her batshit crazy, sista! Seriously. We will all love it! The whole concept of insanity is all so subjective anyways. I mean, People call me batshit
crazy all the time, and I'm not.

I have papers to prove it.

Anyways... back on point. This fic has an OC. And I know what you're thinking... groaning, sighing, whatever. It is a girl, and not a love interest. Her name is Erin, and from the very beginning, we realize that she knows about Edward and Bella , and just pops up all willie nillie to jam her foot up this plotline's crazy little ass. She's a very mysterious character, and though in later chapters we're granted more insight to her purpose, we will initially wonder, "What the fuck is going on? Why is this person here? Who is she? Why does Angel keep trying to chat with me while I'm writing this rec?"

Well, Erin may be more like Bella than we know.

Eyes, like ants – wriggling and unsteady, tar black, on top of a hooked nose and pinched lips: a face that would always look old no matter how young the body was. But the most startling part of the girl’s aspect was her hair. Coarse and black ,it exploded from her skull like a mushroom cloud,
like the residue of bomb frozen in time. Bella blinked.

This is my main reason for loving this fic. I'm confused, but in the very best way. I can't see what's coming from one chapter to the next, and I'm left with questions that I'm itching to have answered every single time. None of which have anything to do with The Cullens or the wolves.

Aside from the mindblowingly thought-provoking storyline and mysterious characterizations, the writing in this story is beautiful and borderline poetic. The author has an uncanny talent for depicting the surreal without making it seem contrived and stupid.

"He tasted like forever, like forgetting, like dust settled over monuments that will never fall down, like space, like time, like—"

Pastiche would probably tell me to take notes from this author's use of abstract imagery because I have such a difficult time understanding the concept, but don't do it, Pastiche. I already am, and using an example like this, I can clearly understand what makes it so such an appealing tool.

We later discover that this story may be an exploration into the physiological effects on humans from vampires. I say "may" because it's difficult to say where it's going, which is an awesome thing. Presumably, this could be a look into the after-effects of vampire intimacy on the human chemistry. What marks do they leave on them? Are they permanent? Is this the reason for Bella's extreme zombification? I just don't fucking know! But, damn it... I really, really want to, sigh_for_sigh. I really REALLY want to.


This story is marked as "Completed" on Twilighted, but it's not, and is one chapter less than its version on Updates don't seem very speedy, but it is definitely worth every bit of the wait. I mean... I could encourage everyone to harass the author a bit so that I can get a new dose of mindfuck, but... I'm not mean. And... I need to finish WA for my own harassers, so I won't.

This time.

AngstGoddess003 is so close to finishing Wide Awake that it is physically painful. She is also doing a little Tech Q&A in which she answers the fandom's most commonly asked technical questions. Send her your internet inquiries at

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