FicDive: 50 Clicks Dive For Fic

The 50 Clicks Dumpster Diving Challenge Fic Recs

**Brought to you by the Ginormous Brain that is Pastiche Pen**

Why? Because the FF "Twilight" Roll is where good stories go to die. The Roll is a cemetery of unnoticed fan fiction. It's an industrial dumpster, heaping with hackneyed plots and garbled grammar. "Edward never came back" comes back again and again and no one seems to mind that Bella Swan is a 5'4" super model or that Meyer never wrote Jacob as a rapist. To be short, the "Roll" is the seamy underbelly of the Twilight Fandom, and even though it's the great womb from which all fic is born—it's also the dark pit from which most of us spring but never return. Instead, we old crones grow complacent in our traditional ways, relying on author alerts and word-of-mouth, never bothering to actually “look” for new blood.

So we're bringing the bitches back.

You heard me. We're taking the Old Guard, giving them rubber gloves, and sending them searching for Cousin Lenny's long-lost diamond ring—the needle in the hay stack—the diamond in the rough. We know there is good fic in that dumpster. Beneath rotten banana peels and moldy bread lurk fragile saplings filled with high comedy, elegant rhetoric, and tragic fairytale.

So, Folks, this is about the sisterhood. It's about not sticking to our own lunch tables. It’s about everyone not reading the same fifty fics. It's about dropping the ego and knowing that there is another author out there who is better than you—and declaring she deserves a read, too!

So, Ya-Ya fuckgood fandom, we're going after the lost treasure!

Diver Parameters & Rules

DIVE LADIES, DIVE!

1. We’re going to be doing this regularly in pairs on Wednesdays 2. Our “divers” must look at two pages on the Fanfiction.net Roll—there are 25 stories per page—thus the "50" 3. Divers must choose 1-2 stories to review every chapter of. 4. The chosen stories must have less than 50 reviews or 5 reviews per chapter. Divers can limit their search in any way, e.g. "Humor" or "Edward/Bella only" or “Complete” 6. No nastiness

An Introduction to the Wonderfulness

Smellyia and I find fic in similar ways, word-of-mouth, favorites, Twilighted, etc. The days of playing on the FF roll for fic are dark in our memories, and yet Smellyia and I could not stop laughing while we were doing this. I’m not sure that I, personally, have ever had more fun playing in the fandom. We found great fic. In fact, Smellyia wanted to do “Sunset” as an admin rec for the blog, but I insisted that it was such a good example of a story we never otherwise would have clicked on that it absolutely had to stay in the “50 Clicks” article. So, anyway, check out our "pearls" below, and we hope that our dives into the Roll will inspire you to "dive," too.

We Dive

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Diver Alias: The Vandetta That Is Charlotte (AKA Smellyia)
Mission: Volturi Cyber-Lunacy
Parameters: Humor

The Pearl: I Quit by LightIsPrecious
Summary: I have only two words to say to you. Possibly the two most petrifying words you will ever hear. Aro and MySpace. Be afraid, be very afraid. Complete – Twilight – Rating K+ – Humor – Chapters: 1 – Words: 1,761 – Reviews: 14 – Updated: 12/2/08 – Published: 11/30/08

Why I Read This: Well, first the grammar was correct. In my rookie roll, I found this to be a high commodity. Also, you've got a MySpace-friend-obsessed Aro and a much put-upon Demetri who is sent off to secure Aro's place in Tom's Top Eight. By the time this demeaning task is completed, Aro has discovered Facebook. He quits.

The Pearl: The Diary of Jane by SulpiciaDoesntApprove
Summary: Jane of the Volturi gets a laptop for her birthday and starts a blog. Chaos and hilarity ensue. Enough said. Twilight - Fiction Rated: K+ - General/Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 3,563 - Reviews: 0 - Updated: 2-26-09 - Published: 2-26-09

Why I Read This: It had no reviews and the first chapter's name is “Jane's User Info.” Anytime you get a tiny, petulant, maniacal vampire girl and a laptop together, there has got to be something ridiculous on the horizon. The Blog thing also caught my eye. So, it's loony Jane's b-day, and in swoops decrepit Aro with TECHNOLOGY. Besides her blogging, Jane has a strong distaste for Edward Cullen, which got a couple cackles out of me. I would pay damn good money to see Alec holding back loony Jane from attacking his flatscreen because that dude playing Cedric in GoF looks JUST LIKE that douche Edward. Crazy holds serious grudges—her vendetta list proves it.

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Diver Alias: Hippie Porn-Peddling Penster (AKA Pastiche Pen)
Mission: Funny-Bloody
Parameters: Rating = M

The Pearl: A Curious Correspondence by sunshinelollypops
Summary: A bored Bella in biology writes in her 'collection of random thoughts, poetry, short stories etc. etc.' A bored Edward stumbles upon it and leaves an anonymous comment. The result: a curious correspondence between Mr. Popular and the Queen of Sarcasm. Twilight - Fiction Rated: M - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 6,937 - Reviews: 16 - Updated: 2-11-09 - Published: 1-29-09

Why I read this: Because it starts with diva Lauren Mallory popping her ass in Eric Yorkie's face and giving him a bloody nose. Poor Eric, but this drew an immediate peel of laughter from me. And then, Bella is a delightful smartass, Edward is the new hottie who managed to swipe Bella's notebook, and for some reason there is going to be a Harry Potter 8 play—I don't understand, but I've decided that no matter what it will be wonderful.

The Pearl: Sunset of an Empire by Razuberry
Summary: The last two vampires of the Romanian coven, Vladimir and Stefan, have had one thing on their mind for over one thousand years: revenge. Taking place after Breaking Dawn, they begin their plan to destroy the Volturi once and for all. Fiction Rated: M - English - Supernatural/Drama - Chapters: 5 - Words: 4,952 - Reviews: 12 - Updated: 2/25/09 - Published: 12/10/08

Why I Read This: Let me count the ways I loved this. First, the premise intrigued me. It had never occurred to me that someone would write a story about the most diabolical Breaking Dawn duo. Second, the opening line after the prologue just put me in immediate glee. “It all had turned out to be a complete and utter disappointment.” Heh. And this story is so the opposite of disappointment. Steph and Vlad maintain their diabolical evilness—and yet, they're funny. They are like grumpy, old men making fart jokes, except in this case, no farts—just bloodsucking. Third, the way they kill their victims is creative and perfect. Like, I know, I ought to be remembering that they’re murdering “people,” but I keep forgetting and not caring… Finally, this story has the best goal ever: they’re going to attack the Volturi. I CAN’T WAIT.

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