Friday, August 21, 2009

Ask Dirty Uncle WTVOC (Or Jandco...)

Our favoritest of dirty uncles is chillin' like a villain on vacay this week, so we have the extreme pleasure of once again hearing from the ever-loverly Jandco.

Dear Dirtiest Oncle of Them All,

Okay, I'll admit it. I'm pretty new to the fandom (read as: started posting my story in february, started reading a few weeks later) and while I do my best to look around and find things on my own, I have my flaws. I've searched and searched, but there is something that I have been looking for and just can't find.

No, I'm not talking about the meaning of life, my fandom life partner, or the perfect shade of red lipstick.

I'm talking about high-quality non-canon pairing stories.

I feel guilty admitting it, but I feel like a bit of a hypocrite. You see, while the only stories I've *written* have had non-canon pairings, I have only *read* maybe three stories that didn't have canon couples.

Now, my pairing of choice is E/B, with some J/A (and even a little J/E and J/B) action going on. I don't have too many problems finding those stories. After all, we all know that finding a good E/B story is about as easy as finding the nose on the front of your face, especially with the help of the blogs and podcasts. But where do I go to find a good story with non-canon pairings?

Cluelessly Awaiting Your Answer,

Dear Soon To Be Not Clueless,

I sincerely hope you meant all human as well as that is what I read and am prepared to offer.

Run like hell to read The Elite by Fate of Gabriel. It’s non-canon pairing glorious. I’ve waxed about the genius of this story before on here, so I won’t again—but read it. Read it now.

My other favorite non-canon pairing is Son Of a Preacher Man by LaViePastiche. This lady made a Jasper that made me ask, “Uh, Edward who?” (Which should be impossible)

As of now, this story is Bella/Jasper, Rosalie/Edward—and random others and it’s just…such angsty, hilarious, well written fun.

That’s all I got right now, I hope you enjoy—
Dear wtvoc,

How do you differentiate angst from drama when categorizing a story? What if your drama's angsty or your angsty's drama? What is the mathematical formula one uses to decide? I'm honestly not sure. Truth be told, I even didn't consider angst a genre until I read fanfic, but since I've seen the light, I've wondered this often about some stories.


Dearest Hay-Zeus (I assume this is the proper pronunciation of your moniker as Jesus is all knowing)

Um. Unfortunately, you get Jandco, not the dirty uncle this week, and that is sad, because that means you are asking the way wrong lady.


I can offer this: I once labeled a story angstfluff. That’s right. I did. Because, dammit, it was both! The point is, I can relate to your dilemma and let you know it’s okay to categorize it however the heck you want. If the story is quality, the genre you label it as doesn’t matter much. Obviously, don’t be killing off Edward and give Bella cancer then label it humor. Use your common sense, because really, don’t all good stories have a bit of all the elements?


I believe on you can click-a-roo more than one genre.

I hope, but don’t think, that helped.

Official Time Waster,
Dear All-Knowing Pervy Uncle,

First, I'd like you and the ladies at Twigasm for helping me embrace my inner perv! I am thoroughly enjoying it and living it up, as my friend Kim saw this past weekend!

Second, my question. I am here to inqury about reviews from a author. I must admit when I first came to the world of FanFiction (thanks to Wide Awake) I had no idea what I was getting into as I did not know what FanFiction was before Twilight and WA. So I read and never reviewed. I know, I know. I can make excuses but it doesn't matter, I now review everything I read. I do my very best to review every single chapter of every story I read. Sometimes I wonder though, I read your blog every week and you have said "review, review, review". For the most part you said as long as your not an asshole and your constructive and don't just say update it's all good. But I have been soo curious. I tend to leave long reviews - I quote chapters - sometimes when I am inspired by a chapter, I leave silly notes for the authors, and sometimes ramble about the chapter.

A few of the authors I review regulary I have gotten to know and chat with (which I absolutely love) and they tell me how much they like my reviews. But sometimes I feel as though my reviews might come across as annoying and too time consuming. That maybe it would be better to not leave my regular review - just shorten it and be "quick", kind of summarize. Do you have any advice on this??

P.S. Thank you, and please thank Jasper and Carlisle for answering my ticklish question quite thoroughly. I enjoyed the response! :)

dedicated fangirl,
Jess (aka BBSapphire24)

Dear Jess-we-have-the-same-name!

I love me some long reviews! I know, I know, it’s a disgusting ego stroke and getting validation from perfect strangers is pathetic—but still. I love them.

And the ego stroking aside—here’s why:

When a reviewer takes the time to quote chapters and offers lengthy opinions it often offers a whole new perspective to the author.

Many times I’ve read a review and thought: Wow. I didn’t even see that. And that is what is wonderful about reading—it’s open to interpretation. A reader reads it and takes things from it—and then someone else can read it and find something completely different to relate to or ponder over.

Then again, sometimes I get a long review that quotes or goes on to dissect the chapter and the reviewer has pointed out everything I meant to get across—I SCREAM IN DELIGHT as though Johnny Depp, Robert Pattinson and Adam Lazarra all just crawled into my bed.

What I’m saying is there is nothing like the feeling of knowing that someone out there ‘got it’ and was affected enough to share.


I never sigh or wince when I see a long review.

I print them out and affix them to the fridge with Chinese take-out magnets.

Keep writing up the long reviews, I assure you they are appreciated—
Dear Many Names,

I have to say I love this fandom to death. I do, honestly. But sometimes it drives me crazy. It seems like every time I get online people are complaining about something else. And half the time what they are complaining about has nothing to do with them. Do we all not have enough drama in our lives already?

Okay, sorry about my rant. Onto the real question.

Why do so many people put car crashes in their fics? It seems every fic I open has a car crash in it. I swear I just got two new chapter updates and both of them had car crashes in them. I have become so annoyed with this. Then we have to go through the whole hospital/recovery thing. It's become so over done. Why do you think this is so popular?

Peace & Cookies (I have offered you these things once before)
Confused Reader

Dear Probably Will Remain Confused Reader,

Oh, the drama.

I will tell you a story.

Last year, I wrote my first fanfiction and it was fun and productive and I became addicted. And I had NO IDEA there were sites and forums and actual human to human contact goings on all based on fanfiction and Twilight.

And I was ignorantly blissed.

Then, because I was an addict, I needed more, I ventured out and found A WHOLE GROUP OF PEOPLE JUST LIKE ME.

Close friendships via the interwebs were quickly forged and I loved it even more—and we didn’t just discuss fic or the fandom. We talked personally about our real lives and our real feelings.

Then, random little spats about who-said-what and she-posted-this- and that-was-my-fic-quote and you know…all of it…started happening.

And people turned mean.

They said mean spirited things out of anger and for fun and out of boredom. They said awful things about people they don’t even personally know.

And I’m guilty of this as well—and that shit is downright shameful.

Now, the question is why. Probably because it’s human nature to pick sides and gang up and to not want to be on the outside of things (most of us have been to middle school, right?) Maybe because it’s a group chock full of women and admit it or not, fic writing is a competitive little game. Some people out there just find it impossible to support others ventures and cannot stick to the ‘don’t like it, don’t read it’ rule. Instead they must make their feelings known—and as long as they rant about a publicly posted story, that’s fine. But. Too often it’s a personal attack on the author—someone they don’t even know. Maybe because people bond over a mutual dislike for another.

And then opposing cliques stick up and defend one of their own…and it’s a posting war.

And at the end of the day, when you close or log off your computer, all of it meant nothing. People are hurt and offended and angry…and for what?

Ain’t no one getting paid or laid, ladies.

Keep in mind we’re all doing the same thing here—reading, writing and loving or making fun of Twilight. How hard can it be to support each other?

It’s too easy to act like a big shot behind the computer screen and it’s too easy to say awful things to and about someone’s mother, daughter, sister, friend…when you don’t have to look them in the eye. Still. It hurts as though it was said to your face.

Believe me.

I know.

At any rate, I rarely post on the forums anymore and because of that, the Twilight Fandom is a very nice place to be. I don’t want to be mean spirited toward others and I don’t want the same reflected back on me. I’m sure the day to day drama is still there—but I’m unaware of it and the world keeps turning even though I don’t know who said what about who-- and I’m happy.

Here’s my advice:

Be nice, always. Those people have feelings. If you wouldn’t want someone to know what you’re saying about them, don’t type it.

Don’t post when you’re feeling too strongly about a situation. Close your computer, do something in real life and come back to it and see if it still matters to you that much. Chances are the drama of the hour will be over by the time you come back.

If you’re sick of the drama, weed out the good friends that you’ve made and hit them up in gchat or on the good old fashion phone.

Ask yourself if you would want your child behaving like that or if you’d want your mother to know what you’ve been saying on the internet. Give yourself a respectful reputation for crying out loud. There is much to be said for a class act.

And lastly, ask yourself two questions:

Am I part of the problem?

Am I part of the solution?

If you answered no, it isn’t your business. Carry on with your day. If it’s yes…do what you gotta do—but ask yourself how you got into that business in the first place so you can avoid it in the future.

End of rant.


Car crashes.

Because it’s angsty and can lead to comas, disabilities, amnesia, love triangles, cliffhangers—all excellent fanfic plottage. And Edward Cullen with stitches and bruises is hot.

But you’re right.

What ever happened to good old electrocution or a heart attack? Surely we can come up with something more creative to injure our little Twilight pets.

(From your dirty uncle) So, how'd my lady do? Wish us luck for this weekend, and send your questions to!


  1. See? I KNEW IT!

    Jesus totally writes angst.

    BRB, becoming religious (not).

  2. ::claps hands:: Very well said.

  3. Car crashes might be a common theme that stems from Edward's crazy Volvo obsession or Rosalie's mechanical skills. The cars are mentioned so frequently in the books, it seems to be replicated in fan fiction in one form or another.

  4. I think car cashes are convenient, familiar, and non-fatal ones are fairly common in real life.

    Car crashes are a friend to AU fics because they can quickly dispose of a pesky set of parents or a spouse. There aren't that many ways that two people who are parents of a minor child are going to die at once.

    A car accident can leave a devastated Edward or Bella alone with a child without having to deal with an ex-spouse or had Edward or Bella loose a spouse after a long illness. Plus, not much else tends to kill of young adults.

    Plus, I think most people old enough to be writing fanfiction are have at least second or third hand knowledge of a fatal or serious car wreck. So we've seen what it can do to people or communities.

    Finally, most of us have been in some kind of car incident. Fender bender, or the near miss fender bender where you end up kind of sore the next day and that kind of thing. It's not as hard to take those situations and your experience and turn them into a various serious accident that reads realistically. So we write what we know.

  5. Re: Long Reviews

    Long reviews are to an author what "Update posted" messages are to a reader. Short reviews are fine - yay, someone read the chapter! - but long reviews are a gift that I as an author appreciate and savor. As jandco said, these detailed, quote-filled reviews give new insight into what readers hear...and whether they hear what I thought I was saying or not. More than complimentary, they are inspiring. If I'm stuck, or just not feeling the characters in my writing, getting a huge review has many times re-lit my writing candle.

    And here's a secret: long reviews spur on faster updates much more effectively than the "Please update soon" review does!

    Keep up the good work, Jess!

  6. Thanks for answering my question. I asked it some time ago and I went ahead and decided on Drama/Romance. I don't know if you read my book, but I am fairly fond of those two themes. And although I am omniscient, fanfiction isn't actually under my jurisdiction.

    That's the other guy. *wink*

    The one down there.

    With the horns.

    thanks again!



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