Admin Essay: The End of Fail

Hey-a fan fic boys and girls, (yes, we know those boys are out there). I’m just gonna lay this out there.

I’m cranky.

(AG: No, really. She seriously is and I'm sorry in advance...)

Yep. Totally. Do you care? Probably not. But it’s relevant I think to the fandom and everything going on out there in Twiverse. If you don’t want to hear me whine about it turn back now.

AngstGoddess has been avoiding my gchat pings for days now. I tried to blame it on PMS but that’s a lie. I’m just in fail.

(AG: When I get tired of angst, there's a serious issue.)

I think my crankfail began after ComicCon. Boy, did I love CC. It was my idea of heaven. Dorky boys and girls dressed like super heroes and weird anime characters that I didn’t understand. I had a suitcase full of my own nerdy shirts to wear and happily sat in a panel about an old lady who was the voice of Rocky (Bullwinkle’s friend) and forgot to sleep or eat for three days.

(AG: It was actually four days...)

I breathed the same air as Rob and Johnny Depp. I zoomed my camera on RP’s golden locks and super sharp jaw, pretending that when Kstew spoke it was really that “wah wah wah wah wah” sound you hear on Charlie Brown cause I just can’t go there .

(AG: Stop making me shudder. I blocked that shit out like BD, you know?)

But since I left, I have been in the doldrums. So sad and irritable. Plus, it’s the end of the summer and I can no longer ogle underage boys at the pool, or make snarky faces at the other moms from my "holier than thou" position in my white lounge chair.

Bummer.

AG told me it was my turn to write an article and I mulled it and came up with some ideas but everything seemed all “meh” and lame and finally I said, fuck this, I’m gonna rant.

(AG: Thanks a lot for the encouragement, Pastiche. THANKS.)

So here we go.

(AG: FML)

First, I haven’t been able to get a photo or Robward in WEEKS that doesn’t have a blurry, butchy, Joan-Jetted haired, Kstew next to him. It’s bumming me out. I just need one shot of his jaw or his glorious hands playing air guitar or his pasty white feet or wonky button-fly jeans and I will be better.

I promise.

(AG: Trufax, but I got some Jackson today, so you know, I'm all set.)

Then, I think I’m a little emo because my fic is coming to an end. It’s always depressing saying goodbye. I love COHward and want to keep him in my pocket and rub his little obsessive compulsive head, and make him do polite but dirty things to Bella, but I can’t cause it’s time to let him go.

Tear.

(AG: There's always pizza cutter gayward outtakes, js js.)

Which you know, other stories are ending….Wide Awake (cough*ifAGeverfinishes*cough) (cough*Dear Angel, STFU <3, AG*cough),

Deconstructing Dracula

,

In The Blink of An Eye

,

Trust in Advertising

,

Port Angeles Players

and sigh, I feel like my obsession,

Tropic of Virgo

must becoming to a close but I haven’t looked on her thread cause I can’t take the news.

(AG: It's better to have read and lost than to have never read at all...)

Also, I feel like every story I read lately is making me depressed. Like “please give me a gallon of ice cream and the episode of BTVS where she kills Angel but he goes non-evil just before she pushes him in to whatever dimension of hell he has to go to” depressed. Bella leaves Edward. Edward leaves Bella. I KNOW. I KNOW. This is nothing new but good grief, for example, if something good doesn’t happen soon in

Hydraulic Level 5

, I’m totally quitting that fic.

(AG: OMG, that Buffy episode. Hold on. I'm all verklempt. DON'T STAB HIM, HOOR!)

I am such a liar.

Once an addict-always an addict.

(AG: M-A-S-O-C-H-I-S-M: My anti-drug.)

Then I keep getting these recs. And guh they are so good. But they are only 12 chapters long and I just can’t read them because I’ve been around this block and I have moved my 12 chapter minimum to about 20 chapters unless it is an author that has a history of updating frequently and completing because well, that is just my rule. No offense.

(AG: Wait, wait. First you bitch about fics ending, and then you bitch about fics that don't end. Christ, woman. Midol FTW, kwim?)

This of course is also kind of a lie because I cave in under the pressure of my peers and read the links they send me.

(AG: Yeah. Don't lie.

The Neighbor Boy

and

Vanilla and Chrome

totally de-failed you.)

But then, there is good stuff too right? Minisinoo has been

updating her HP fic again

. (I KNOW it’s not Twilight but it has Cedward in it so it feels like it), and there are new websites in the works and its fall, so Bones should be coming back on the air soon and I can get some of my delightful David Boreanaz back (again, vampire related I promise).

Halo has a new fic,

Last Rites

, and Tropic of Virgo isn’t over, not yet, and people keep writing about Edward having tattoos and that just makes me happier than you would believe.

(AG: God fucking bless the genius who came up with the

Tattward and Inkella

contest...)

And, we keep getting these New Moon trailers that have way too much Jacob and not enough Edward but the little bits of Edward make my ovaries burst into flame because he is moving his lips and the shot is on his glorious jaw side and HE ISN’T WEARING A SHIRT, and well, that’s enough for me.

(AG: Angsty Strip Tease! BRB, finding illegal video and remembering americnxidiot's faux re-enactment at ComicCon...)

And, I am in the works for two new fics. I am. But that isn’t here or there except its fall right? I can go to Target and get a new glitterific pink Hello Kitty notebook and scribble fresh ideas into for all these insane ideas that scurry around my brain. Hmmmm…what to make Edward do now…

(AG: Jasper?)

Finally, just to prove to you that the fail has to becoming to an end this was posted tonight and everything is better…

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Angel/edwardzukorocks writes for the Twilight fandom, and splits her time dreaming of Rob and David. Rob. David. Rob. David. Rob. David. She loves glitter, the FF stat page, superheroes with subtle homosexual tendencies, and nonsensical, yet admittedly hilarious rants on preachers with lisps.