Wednesday, April 8, 2009

FicDive: The Bitchfight Over The Coveted Pearl

Diver Alias: Gail The Robsessed
Mission: Come back alive...
Parameters: EdwardxBella

The Pearl: Venenum

Summary: She would be the death of him; he loves her too much to care. Her poison is his libation; he willingly accepts. "Her hundreds of secrets. Even more of her lies. I welcomed it all." All Human, OOC
Twilight - Fiction Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 5,774 - Reviews: 17 - Updated: 4-7-09 - Published: 4-1-09 - Bella & Edward

Why I Read This: I picked in the first one on the list because I’m a picky bitch. Honestly though I picked another one off the regular Twilight FanFic page and once I clicked on it I realized it was a total of 63 words. Which was totally awesome but I decided Smellyia would kill me so I decided to find a different one instead….and this is what I found. The amazing thing is that it really is very good and well written. I was a little shocked. The idea is that Edward meets Bella, bruised and battered on the sidewalk outside a bar in desperate need of medical attention. Lucky for her Edward is a doctor and agrees to take her home instead of to the hospital where she is afraid to go (Why? We don’t know yet). There is an intriguing back story where Edward’s parents committed suicide when he was a teenager and he moved in with his Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle. I’m intrigued and plan to read more…

Two days after finding her pearl, Gail The Robsessed, logged onto chat. Here's what occurred.

OPRAH: Read my review.
OPRAH: You stole my fucking pearl, bitch.
GAIL: How did this happen?
OPRAH: You found it on the first initial post, I found it on the update of chapter two. Total coincidence. I already had my rec written when I realized you did the same.
OPRAH: Also, I'll cut you...
GAIL: By the way, your rec is better. You should post it under mine. And i think she is a reviewer of mine
OPRAH: Mine too
GAIL: I realized the name looked familiar and her beta i have seen on OCD page.
OPRAH: *silent contemplation*
GAIL: Dude, Emibella says we need to write about how we were scrounging around in the dumpster fighting after the same pearl.
Oprah: bahahahha. Dude, we totally were/are. *snarl*
GAIL: I'm like the crazy bag lady who lives in that dumpster and i left to go get some day old cupcakes from the bakery trash (aka rob pics from and i came back and you were in my territory so we had to have a homeless lady bitchfight in the street. "Get the fuck away from my dumpster"
OPRAH: "NO! I CALL DIBS!" (Also, why are we always old and homeless in your fantasies?)
OPRAH: *Begs Shamelessly* FOR THE LOVE OF ROB, DON'T MAKE ME GO BACK IN! It's brutal like... every diver for herself.
GAIL: I would grab your little cat ear buns and start pulling out bobby pins and try to poke you in the eye
OPRAH: Dude... fightin dirteh. Not cool.
GAIL: Yes i would. I'm like that
OPRAH: I'll be like... "LOOK! IT'S ROB!" and point behind you, then when your head is turned knee you in the vag and steal the pearl while parading it around victoriously.
GAIL: bhahhahahaha. Yes
OPRAH: lol. People should know the slim pickins makes us crazy. even Oprah will turn on Gail if it means not having to re-enter the dumpster-o-pain. I ROLLED E/B ANGST FOR FUCK'S SAKE!
OPRAH: *shudders violently*
GAIL: You know what drew me in other than it was the first one? The summary was nice
OPRAH: Summary. It was really good.
GAIL: rec was horrible
OPRAH: Well you only read the prologue. You're just comparing it to my wordy vomit
GAIL: True... it's hard to compete with. Anyhoo, summary great. Nice and simple
OPRAH: Yes. Very mysterious. I like mystery. Plus, Bella might be a hooker. Which I also love
GAIL: Dude, YES. Or some kinda of con-artist
OPRAH: Yes. Original
GAIL: AND the suicide of his parents is intriguing due to his lack of emo-ness
OPRAH: Very intriguing. And then... he's obviously all... notorious since she seemed to recognize his name.
GAIL: YES. but he does seem to have some kind of history...or place in society....I wonder if she knew this?
OPRAH: Yes actually, she did, but only after he told her his name
GAIL: Ahhhh.
OPRAH: You know, at first, I felt like the prologue was giving too much away. Like, he basically said they had sex and all kinds of stuff. But, at the end I still felt like... wtf. And chapter 2 was still good, even though i knew they'd be doing the freak nasty eventually. But... it's an E/B angst fic, rated M, so I mean... duh
GAIL: Well it didn't feel like it was sex/smut centric but the angst is there
OPRAH: nod nod. not going for the shock-value
GAIL: Which i love
OPRAH: Me too. I'm tired of those
GAIL: And you know, it was hard to find a fic that was not about Bella being pregnant. I'm not kidding
OPRAH: Really? Huh. I found a lot of rape fics. And also... Edward-Can't-Sleep-Fics
GAIL: Intriguing. What an original concept.
OPRAH: bahahhaha. Dude, it wasn't even original when i did it.
GAIL: Did I send you the link for my first choice?
OPRAH: Nope.
GAIL: Holy crap. Hold on. Let me find it. This may be the best one shot ever. Read right now. I picked this for real.
GAIL: Sigh. I'm so lame
OPRAH: Not lame. My second choice was "Edward, Le French Tutor." rawr. Looksie. Though, I'm not redoing my rec.
GAIL: Meh...
OPRAH: You'd probably just steal it anyways.
GAIL: Shut it.
OPRAH: kk.

Diver Alias: Oprah The Defender of Pearls
Mission: Find an alias that can't be spun into innuendo
Parameters: E/B Angst

The Pearl: Venenum

Why I Read This: I liked this story because it seems to have the chance of being somewhat original. It’s from Edward’s point of view, which I really just liked. The prologue immediately captivated me and didn’t seem contrived. In all honesty, it has a definite air of mystery to it that is subtle, yet very compelling. It paints Bella as the suspicious character, and I liked that. It’s so often that Edward is this dark mysterious dude (which, is still there, but not annoying like it sometimes is from Bella's POV), but to see Bella portrayed in this light is refreshing and new. Secretly, I have been longing for more mystery in my fic. There's so much romance out there and plain old angst love triangle crap that I'm just bored with. It's nice to have some other kind of plot devices. I'm excited.


  1. I just read the prologue and first 2 chapters and you girls found gold! Or a pearl. I love pearls.
    And I love the start to this fic. :)

    Thanks for the fabulous rec. I laughed reading your chat conversation and the fact that you both found the same story. Things happen for a reason.


  2. Your review on Sunday and then this have made my day, twice. Which totally made my week. And you made me laugh. A lot.

    Definitely a pearl. A blue one, at that.

    By the way... This whole dumpster dive idea is, well, genius. And brave. Very brave. I wouldn't normally dare... then again, that's how I found this too.

  3. The review on Sunday made my day. This made my day again today. All in all, you made my week. And I'm not even the author. And you made me laugh... quite a bit.

    This one's definitely a pearl, and a blue one at that I think.

    The whole dumpster dive idea is, by the way, genius. And a little brave. More than a little... Okay, there was no way to finish that thought without shameless innuendo. Still, though, it's the best way to find gems, if you can brave the bullshit...

    That coincidence is still making me grin. I need to go for a walk before my face breaks.

  4. This made me laugh in an inappropriate office setting:

    "I'll be like... "LOOK! IT'S ROB!" and point behind you, then when your head is turned knee you in the vag and steal the pearl while parading it around victoriously."

  5. You know, I totally love this feature and I don't think I've ever commented on it before. It is such a fun way to get some truly overlooked authors out there and given me tons to read when I'm not so behind on life that I want to cry.

    Looking forward to delving into the newly discovered angst.

  6. I really look forward to the Dumpster posts. The fandom is littered with terrible writing and 'half speak' posts. I don't envy you doing this, but I'm glad I get to reap the benefits.

  7. This story is on Twilighted as well... I found it yesterday before even reading your recc. this morning. I was TRYING to stay away from starting any new fics for a while since I've got so many in progress ones I'm following. But the mysteriously-written summary totally drew me in. Very good so far, I too love that there is so much story that is alluded to and yet to be revealed. Definitely keeps me intrigued!

  8. I read this fic yesterday and really liked it, I hope thanks to this it gets the appreciation it deserves :)


    One of the funniest dives ever and slightly disturbing due to its coincidental nature. Are you sure one of you aren't in the proverbial bushes of the other?


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