Fun with Edward
I froze in horror for a split second. Uh-oh. What was I thinking?
An exasperated “Oh Edward” had been my first coherent thought as my husband woke me up with one thing on his mind…
As Jon Lovitz so tenderly describes it in A League of Their Own, “Giving the wife a little pickle tickle.”
The bad news? My husband’s name is not Edward. After 25 years being married to the guy, you’d think I would know this - along with his shirt size, social security number and what he likes on a hamburger. His name’s not Edward. It’s never been Edward and it’s never going to be… hmmm. I wonder if he’d legally change his name… Nah!
The good news? I didn’t say it out loud; I only thought it in a sleepy daze. I would have been mortified if those words had actually escaped me. Not because it would have hurt my husband’s feelings, but because his teasing would have been both merciless and never-ending.
I suspect I may need to cut back on my fanfic reading right before bedtime. I should be grateful for the wake-up call. The next time I may actually say it out loud (Yikes!) so I better protect myself from any possible future humiliation.
While I ponder a self-imposed fanfic curfew (cough*nevergonnahappen*cough) here’s a quiz for you to do. Match the Edward with the fic. I’ve given you hints: after each quote about Edward I have given the initials of the person who initially said it or thought it. Good luck!
- “Edward Cullen…Many things, but never an underwear model.” EC
- “A gorgeous, strangely mysterious, deliciously intelligent, incredibly intriguing, threesome-having, student-body seducing, golden-eyed asshole.” BS
- “Fifty shades of fucked up.” EC
- “Andrew Cludle is my alter-ego.” EC “Holy Crow, Edward is Lord Voldemort.” BS
- “You’re a…a…horny, bipolar vampire!” BS
- “Edward. Edward Cullen, Lily’s dad.” EC
- “…because he liked Fruit Loops, I could tell that Edward obviously was an artist (because of the colors) and he ate healthy (because of the fruit).” BS
- “My language was now a thick-glassed jam jar stuffed with sho’nuff and ah reckon…” EC
- “Nice to meet you, jailbait.” BS
- “Holy mother-of-the-bride, you are the single most socially ass-tarded person I’ve ever met.” JW
- “Oh Hell, Bella thought. He’s a virgin. I can’t kill a virgin.” BS
- “…you’re a shitty monster, by the way. Here you’ve had ample opportunity to chomp me up, and you blow it every time with the boy scout routine. Hasn’t your mother ever told you not to play with your food?” BS
- “It’s Professor Masen…Any imbecile with a four year degree can call themselves a doctor.” EC
- “…I had just imprinted with Edward Cullen.” BS
- An Introduction to Swirl and Daisy by m81170
- Master of the Universe by Snowqueens Icedragon
- Bella Voce by Morgan Locklear
- Elemental by TallulahBelle
- Breaking News by WriteOnTime
- Dead Confederates by goldenmeadow
- This is Not my Life by isakassees
- Hide and Drink by Savage7289
- The University of Edward Masen by SebastienRobichaud
- Geek Love by SassenachWench
- Legendary by WhatsMyNomDePlume
- Last Rites by halojones
- Controlled Burn by staceygirl aka jackbauer
- Sold, Sight Unseen by quothme
A-5, B-11, C-2, D-14, E-8, F-7, G-1, H-6, I-13, J-10, K-3, L-12, M-9, N-4