Fandom Fluff: Drawing the Line

Drawing the Line

By:

Hoosier Mama

I need help.

My brain is a mushy pile of goo, incapable of entertaining a single sustained thought. I’m confused and disoriented; my mind is constantly in motion, spinning. I also firmly believe that I’m not the only one in this insanity-producing predicament.

And what, you may ask, is at the root of this evil?

Twilight fanfiction works-in-progress.

And story recommendations.

Yes, both equally share the blame for my brain-addled condition as well as the conditions of my fellow Twific fanatics. Now, far be it from me to point fingers, since after all, I am guilty myself of asking people for good story recommendations. No one is twisting my arm to make me read fanfics. I don’t have to listen to the “OMG!-you’ve-gotta-read-this-story” advice of people I’ve never met. I could choose to ignore writers who recommend stories in their author’s notes. I don’t have to heed the recommendations of a certain blog that shall remain nameless (*coughDiscerningFicstercough*)… but I do heed the recommendations… always…compulsively.

While it is admirable that the Discerning Ficster blog promotes excellent fanfics that are underappreciated by the masses of fans, have you ever stopped to consider that the blog is also guilty of contributing to the lunacy of the obsessed? Like Superman fighting an inescapable lump of kryptonite, I try to fight all the story recommendations, honestly I do, but I know deep down that I can’t. I…must…read…all of them. I…must…favorite all story recommendations. I must…not…forget a recommended story.

So…how exactly is this a problem?

I’ve always been a reader and I’ve always made it a point to never read more than one book at a time. I dive into a story; I savor every minute spent reading it, finish it, re-read it if need be, then go on to the next book. My concentration is never carelessly divided by different tales. They are read as nature intended: cover to cover.

Suddenly I find myself in the middle of fifty-five stories. (Fifty-five! Yikes! I’m honestly not bragging here, because I know there are other ficfans that are in the middle of even more stories than that.) So, there are 55 stories on my favorites list that I can’t finish reading simply because…the end hasn’t been written yet.

What’s worse is: all the characters have the same names. It’s exceedingly difficult to keep everything straight when you’re juggling so many fanfics in your head. Is this the one with crazy Bella, slutty Bella, singing Bella, or born-again Bella? Is Edward a vampire, a human, or a figment of the imagination? Is he a hit man, a doctor, a middle school student, or a guy in a suit working for the family firm?

Is Alice a colleague, a cousin, or a college roommate? If the story doesn’t update often, then I have to try to recall where we were in the story. Have they met yet? Kissed? Bumped uglies? You see what I mean; it’s disconcerting.

Sometimes I get so wrapped up in a good story, I don’t want to leave it, even to read a long-awaited chapter update from another beloved fic. I want to relish it, dwell on it during the many boring moments of my life, and fully inhabit the world a fanfic writer creates. But inevitably, the world must be left behind, because the rest of the story doesn’t exist yet, and a new piece of another puzzle begs to be read.

Occasionally several chapter updates of different stories will get posted at the same time. Generally, I’ll read the more light-hearted or funny fics first; short, sweet and smutty stuff gets read second with the major unresolved sexual tension stories going last. If I know for a fact that there’s going to be some seriously tormenting, heart-failing, kill-me-now angst in a chapter update, I will put it off until I find the courage to jump back in. It’s also good to be alone for several hours to spare the family my despondent blubbering and/or screaming.

Juggling 55 different plot lines, when you’re used to following just one at a time, would make anyone’s head spin like Linda Blair’s in The Exorcist. I often wonder, what is the number of ongoing fanfics the human brain can contain before total madness sets in? Is the limit 56? Or is it actually 54?

I’ll be brutally honest; this is my third rewrite of this article. (What? Like you authors never rewrite your chapter updates? Puh-lease!) The first draft from six months ago had me bitchin’ and moanin’ about 20 measly stories. (Ahh! Six months ago. Life was so much simpler then…) The second draft from two months ago, the number had jumped to 34. The number of incomplete stories I’m reading keeps getting exponentially higher. This does not bode well for my future sanity. I’ve already mentioned that I can’t refuse a story recommendation, so please authors…finish your stories. The ultimate mental health of the entire planet rests in your fingertip-calloused hands.

I’m curious…how do you keep your brain from becoming a mushy pile of goo? Do you limit your fics? Wait until they are complete to read them? Re-read previous chapters? Any advice would be appreciated.