Tuesday, January 12, 2010

FandomFluff: Fresh Meat

Fresh Meat

Hoosier Mama

“Hey, I’ve got something to tell you…I’m hooked on Twilight.”

My adrenaline spiked and I gasped loudly. Staring up at my friend and former work colleague, I said the first thing that came to mind as I looked at her earnestly.

“I’m so sorry.”

Then we both burst out laughing.

She dropped this bombshell on me while only her head was visible peering into my office cubicle. She disappeared to take care of work-related stuff, then came back to my desk to fill me in on her life since the last time we’d met.

“I knew you were into Twilight because of that hideous moment in the conference room. Do you remember?”

Oh. My. God. Kill me now. I think I actually groaned in response. Sheepishly I asked, “Were you still working here then? I don’t remember you being there.”

“Oh yeah…I was there.”

The hideous moment she was referring to had happened over a year ago when the entire office was gathered to celebrate a co-worker’s birthday. In between swallowing bites of cake, my colleagues, led by four women who had read the books at my insistence, started teasing me and criticizing Twilight. The teasing expanded to include my Mitch Hanson CD and how ridiculous I was for purchasing the Twilight-inspired music. I sat and seethed to myself and waited for the unwanted attention to switch to someone else at the table, anxious for the moment to end.

It didn’t.

When the taunting grew to include my boss and others around the table, people who obviously knew nothing of Twilight, I had reached my breaking point.

I’m proud to say I didn’t let my anger interfere with my good manners. I addressed two people and only two people in that room: the birthday “boy” and the one who had made the cake. I said “Happy birthday” to one and “thank you for bringing the cake; it was delicious” to the other before gathering all my stuff and walking out of the room to deafening silence.

What transpired in the conference room after I left is a mystery; however I do know that the word, “Twilight” was never again uttered by me or any of my colleagues in my presence. It was taboo.

Until now.

“That was painful to witness.”

My friend spoke and brought me back to the present. Anxious to forget that long-ago embarrassment, I asked her what convinced her to read the books. I had mentioned them to her back then, but she didn’t seem interested so I hadn’t pushed. She was a prolific reader, more so than even I used to be, but I also knew her taste in books; I knew her kids were older than mine and Young Adult literature was simply not her thing.

So, we swapped our Twilight stories. Her two adult daughters had badgered her mercilessly, until over the holidays she had “devoured” Twilight in only two sittings. She said she needed to get work done around the house before she would let herself continue with the second book. I was impressed by her self-control and discipline; I always had admired her for that.

We talked about our enjoyment of a YA book being a “guilty pleasure”. We mockingly promised to keep our love of Twilight a secret and I was as excited and as happy as Domward with a new suede flogger. Finally, finally! Someone I respected, whose opinion really mattered to me saw what I saw when reading Twilight. I was ecstatic to have my beliefs and feelings justified.

We talked about other books for a while; she said she’d let me borrow some books she had just finished about Mr. Darcy that were filled with smut with a capital “S” (The Darcy Saga by Sharon Lathan) but first I had to promise I wouldn’t allow my 19-year old daughter to read them. (“She’s too young and they’re way too…mortifying!”) We laughingly agreed that smutty books were “porn for ladies our age”. She didn’t know I hadn’t read a book since my fanfiction obsession began.

Should I tell her? Dare I divulge my deepest darkest secret and share my obsession? After all it had taken well over a year to find someone who enjoyed Twilight like I had; why spook her by revealing an addiction to fanfiction? While my friend spoke, I waged an internal debate. I decided to tell her. I would be nonchalant. I took a deep breath and plunged ahead.

“Hey, after you’ve finished all four Twilight books, if you’re still hungry for more, ya know, Edward and Bella, I could introduce you to some really good smut-filled fanfiction…if you’re interested.” My heart raced. Would she take me up on that offer?

“Oh no! No way.” She wisely turned me down. She was way too put together, disciplined and self-controlled to start something that could easily take over her entire life…as it had mine. Like an addict offering an innocent friend a hit of their favorite poison, I mentally acknowledged her smart decision to “just say no” as we said our goodbyes.

I should let it go and just be happy to be able to claim one Twilight-loving friend in Real Life.

Besides, I thought impishly, it’s probably best to wait until she’s read all four books before I push fanfiction on her again.

I’m such a little devil.

So, what smutty fic would you recommend to a friend and fanfic virgin? I wanna be prepared…
This has been a Fandom Fluffy Moment brought to you by
Hoosier Mama


  1. Oh, how closely this mirrors my life!!

    I, too, earn for a RL friend so share my FF obsession with. I am lucky enough to have two close friends that have read and enjoyed Twilight and was even able to convince (threaten) my husband into reading the first two books. Even luckier, I found that my boss read and enjoyed the books but unfortunately we don’t talk much about it. The comforting part is that I won’t have to face much taunting at work about it.

    On the other hand the FanFiction obsession is all mine. Even the people that enjoy Twilight have flat out refused to read FF, smutty or otherwise. If they agreed, I would have given them Wide Awake, Creature of Habit and Tropic of Virgo. If these don’t get them hooked, nothing else will.

  2. I've convinced a RL friend who loved all the Twilight books to read a fan fiction, but I think she just read it because I wrote it. The next time I saw her & mentioned the fic, she told me I made her cry. She's a trauma nurse, sees horrible shit daily & doesn't blink. I made her cry. :D

  3. Most of my IRL friends have read and really like the Twilight books. But none have been interested in reading any FF - so that little obsession is mine and mine alone. If I were to recommend any they would definitely have to include Wide Awake, High Anxiety and Living Backwards. Oh, and The Vampire Under the Basement. (there's just so many I love!)

  4. I would recommend "Let Your Light Shine" by LolaShoes, because it seems like the perfect next step for someone coming off of the disappointment that was Breaking Dawn's Isle Esme scene. Plus, it lets them dive right into some good lemons.

    Once she's read a few canon and AU, then I'd hit her with some Domward, some Tattward, and a little "Wide Awake."

  5. I'd recommend "Let Your Light Shine" by the wonderfully talented LolaShoes. It's the most practical "next step" for someone coming off of the disappointing Isle Esme scene in BD.

    Once they've wet their whistle on some canon and AU, I'd steer them toward the Domward, Tattward, Beautiful Bastard and a little "Wide Awake."

    And some hot Jasper fic...

  6. I came to this fandom because my friend Gen/troismommy was telling me "so I've been reading this Twilight fanfiction and.... some of it is kinda dirty and... I like it!"

    She sent me some links and then that was on 12/28/2008, over a year and multiple orgasms by Bella later, I'm still here...

    The reason I got involved with the Fictionators was so I had a place to send people when they ask me what fanfiction they would like :-)

  7. I just recently introduced some girl friends to Twilight fanfiction for the first time. I was completely terrified. I didn't know if I should launch right into the smut, so I recommended some that have a little lemon, but not a lot: Miss My Lion, Spiral Static and its sequel Citizen's Erased, Innocent, Vigilant Ordinary. They loved those, so now I'm giving them a little AH, see if that's too far out there.

  8. It's true, even when you have friends that like similar books, including Twilight, getting to read fanfic is a challenge. I still try and have had moderate success. So far I've gotten two friends to read Wide Awake and my book club to read Mr. Horrible. Unfortunately, I'm the only one actually addicted to fanfic.

    Great article.

  9. Thank you Laura! You actually got your book club to read Mr. Horrible? I am sooo jealous! Where can I sign up?

    songforevela: You've mentioned a couple that I've never heard of; this means I must add them to my already uber-long list of fics that must-be-read. So thanks...I think!

    There are lots of good suggestions here, including two that were some of my first introductions to Twifiction: "Let Your Light Shine" and "Wide Awake". (Didn't everyone start with Wide Awake? I consider it to be the Rose Parade of the fandom. Ya know...the grand-daddy of them all.)

    Does that make AG the grand-mommy? (tee hee) We love you AG!

  10. Why are sequels to Pride and Prejudice always so smutty? The first smutty book I ever read was a sequel to P&P and that was when I was in high school and didn't completely understand the signs of a dirty girl book. The atrocious use of 18th century English should have been a big clue. I just really liked P&P and thought a sequel would be fun to read. So innocent. It's interesting that since then I have read fan fiction that is leaps and bounds better than that published book (which is essentially fan fiction as well). Perhaps in a hundred years there will be published versions of Twilight fics. Great article!

  11. All the ladies in my family and most of my friends love all the books and many of them know that I read TwiFic and openly mock me at any group event. My sister looks at me like I have a second head and says, "You know, you are about two steps away from going to Renaissance Fairs." and "The next thing I know you'll be telling me you play WoW and Dungeons and Dragons." I assume these are her criteria for all things beyond geeky. She is totally a judger. Long story short I always rec Wide Awake to anyone who asks. Amazingly enough I got my MOM to read it! I know! She loved it and obsessed over it too but hasn't got into anything else...yet. Is it wierd that my mom read it and we talk about it? She always makes inside jokes about unicorns now and thinks she's really funny.

  12. Oh, just have her break her proverbial hymen on Wide Awake. No one can resist ff that once it has been read.

    I'd say The Office, too, but :/

  13. I have to admit, when I first started reading fanfic, I was stayed away from smut. Nowadays, it's a different story :p Because of that, I would probably recommend a non-smutty story to a fanfic virgin. Innocent, Vigilant, Ordinary would definately be my first pick.

  14. The aforementioned are all wonderful suggestions but I'd probably go in a "gentler" direction for first-time readers. For Vampward and an absolutely kick-@ss Bella it would have to be "In the Blink of an Eye" by thatwritr. Seldom have I read a more beautifully written and crafted story.

    For AH Bella and Edward, right now it has to be "The University of Edward Masen". Holy Mother of God, that story f#cking pwns me hard -- I cannot stop obsessing about it. Bella is this beautiful, fragile yet hardy flower of a grad student and Edward is her fractured, arrogant dipsomaniac of a professor. Both are hiding secrets from one another and I am DYING to find out what they are! The dichotomy between the courtly medievalist who wants to worship Bella as the sweet angel that she is and the lewd, arrogant jerk who wants to deflower that same sweet angel is absolutely fascinating. Profward is most definitely a hard one to resist. (That's what she said.)

  15. Start her off slow with a canon, like 'Let Your Light Shine' by Lolashoes (as ellab-twilight said).

  16. I only have one RL life friend that I tell about my FF addiction. I can't get her to read FF to save my life. I think she sees my obsession and she doesn't want to succumb to the same temptation. She has also read the Twilight Saga books and goes to see the movies with me and she loves to hear me tell her the stories, but it's just not the same "bond" that I find with someone who is actually reading the same story and I am at the time.

    May I please suggest Warmth by Katiebellecullen? It was my first FF and after that I was searching for another when I (of course) found WA - the gateway drug to the addiction. Anyway, Warmth is the continuation of the honeymoon with NO FADE TO BLACK. I found that since I was already loving Edward as a Vampire and Bella as a virgin I really loved their honeymoon, and it made me want MORE.

    Just my suggestion. Thank you for this post - it is nice to know that I am not the only one with a "dirty little secret".


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