Wednesday, March 25, 2009

FicDive: Mmmmm......

Diver Alias: The Hotdog Bitch Slapping Porn Peddler (AKA Ninapolitan)
Mission: Carlisle! Dressed-Up with a Bowtie (yeah I meant it in a dirty way. It's not what I got)
Parameters: Humor/Parody

The Pearl: Carlisle The Clown by shewhoshallwrite
Summary: Carlisle quits his job at the hospital. Why? To pursue his life long dream of becoming a clown. WIP– Twilight – Rating K+ – Humor/Parody – Chapters:3 – Words: 1,661 – Reviews: 194 Updated: 3/20/09 – Published: 3/5/09
Why I Read This: Because of the title and I immediately had the image of Peter Facinelli dressed in just a bowtie. Not quite the image a K+ fic intends to convey but I'm a Perv. It's grammatically correct which I didn't expect I'll be honest. It's funny, Alice throws a fit because her shopping habit won't be supported anymore without Dr. Daddy's hospital salary. Jasper has a hilarious emotional breakdown over his fear of clowns so he cowers in the corner and cries as Emmett and Edward make fun of him. On Carlisle's first day at the circus he asks Emmett to be his assistant because poor Emmett always has the mentality of a toddler So now we get the mental picture Emmett with a red nose, a bowtie and some balloons.

Mission: New Moon Redo AU
Parameters: Romance

The Pearl: Abbracciare il Cantante by brattyvamp
Summary: What if Edward left Forks after his first encounter with Bella, and he never returned? Fate couldn't keep these two apart. But meeting at a later time and place might have changed the nature of their relationship.
WIP– Twilight – Rating M – Romance – Chapters:26 – Words: 49,960 – Reviews: 475 Updated: 3/24/09 – Published: 2/16/09
Why I Read This: I like the idea of fate bringing them together and honestly, I loved the title. I'm Italian, sue me. Basically Bella made it through High School without ever knowing Edward. Enter Mike Newton! They're in the process of continuing their long distance 'relationship' when she meets Edward at college. Fate puts them in a class together. She has a vague memory of Edward from his one at Forks High and they begin building a friendship while working together over a vampire project (ha!). The UST is yummy, but I have to be honest. Jasper is HIGHLARIOUS. Thinking of naked cartwheels. Trying to get drunk, skinny dipping in Eddie's hot tub. Explaining to Edward why his trouser snake is suddenly growing when Bella is around. Regardless of the hilarity that is Jasper. The story itself is really very good. I'm enjoying the pacing of it, that he's still lusting both for her body and her blood. Different spin. Cool story and it's updated almost daily.

Diver Alias: The Prodigy's Sparkly Boobies (aka feathers_mmmm)
Mission: Funny/Sexy Edward
Parameters: Humor/Parody/Edward

The Pearl: The Virginity Pact by herinfiniteeyes
Summary:For the SMC contest. The girls vow to lose their virginity by prom night. Will they succeed? One-shot. E/B, J/A, Em/R. Lemons. MA for mature. American Pie-Twilight crossover. Complete - Twilight - Fiction Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 9,327 - Reviews: 136 - Updated: 1-6-09 - Published: 1-6-09
Why I Read This: I was intrigued with the idea of a contest to lose ones virginity, and come on, when it is Sex and Edward on the table? I am in. This is a cute one-shot, written for the Crossover Movie Contest, and is based loosely on American Pie. Bella, Alice, and Rosalie go to an all girls boarding school, and are friends/brothers with our favorite Guy Trio, Edward, Jasper and Emmett. Rosalie and Alice are tired of being virgins, and make a pact to lose their virginity by the end of the school year. Bella is a virgin as well, although in no real rush to lose it. In Comes Edward. She of course has a crush on him, he of the ever present green eyes and the messy hair. He of course also harbors a secret crush on her, creating a spark and friction when he finds out about her unwilling participation in this pact. He offers to be the one to deflower Miss Bella, and she takes him up on it. The sex it actually quite steamy, and has a few good lines, “I want to worship you with my hands and my words,” and “Don't you worry my dear, you'll get your 8 inches in heaven,” Always a dick joke to lighten the mood of any deflowering. Actually, there were some sweet moments, as this Edward is truly concerned with making sure she has a great first time, and is taken care of by someone that knows what he is doing. And this Edward does, using a line like, “I've waited a long time for this, and if you think you're getting away from me without a thorough fucking, you've got another thing coming.” Another thing coming indeed...

Mission:Edward/Sex/Losing Control
Parameters: Edward/Mature

The Pearl: Don't Worry, It's Only Kinky The First Time by Edward's Necrophiliac
Summary:What happens when our favourite Twilight pair are sharing a sweet and cute moment? What if Edward, our lovable, old-fashioned Edward, was thinking naughty things all the while? The real dirty side of Edward and his hot fantasies. ExB Smut. Complete - Twilight - Fiction Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,559 - Reviews: 29 - Updated: 11-30-08 - Published: 11-30-08
Why I Read This: I couldn't NOT read this when I saw the title, and then the authors pen name was too fantastic, and a little trippy. So this was not what I was expecting, and I was quite pleased with this one. Edward and Bella, sweet and innocent in their meadow, while an inner dialog from Edward's perspective highlights what he wishes he was actually doing to Bella as they chastely kiss. He has one hot imagination. He explores every inch of his Bella from within the safety of his own mind, and keeps their morality above question. The imagery is steamy, and loaded with lemony love. To flip between external and internal monologue is interesting, and one that I don't see as often. Yes, we often have a comment or two of subtext, but this is literally 2 different scenes overlaid on top of each other, and artfully arranged. To say that I was pleasantly surprised by this is an understatement, I really enjoyed this. The title was not too closely linked to the meat of the story, but other than that I give it two panties up!

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