Friday, October 2, 2009

Happy Birthday Sam

Hi, Fandom!

Today is AG's birthday! So, we came up with this little post in order to celebrate our admin's birthday, just love on a friend a bit, and also say thanks to the countless hours that that said friend and admin puts into this blog.

Sam, I'm always afraid we ask too much of you. Anyhoo, Angel and I wrote you a one-shot, and Touchstone made you a badass banner. So, like, this is your e-birthday blog card or something.

So, ladies, if you feel the need, leave a comment below.

-Pastiche Pen

So, ahem.

Sigh. So, yeah, me and P got together and wrote a little something-something for your birthday. Because we love you. And wellllll, because sigh... I don't want to just go all super ehump on you. It will embarrass both of us, right? Like I don't need to go on about how I pretty much need to say good morning and goodnight to you to make my day okay? And how DW (AG's man) thinks I'm a bad influence when well...yeah. whatever. We know the truth... And how I love rob, and you love Jasper, and it makes us like a complete yin and yang. Or how we like the same random, pervy stuff, that no one else gets, and we spend hours making up our own fic ideas and then we do what we can to leverage other people to write it so we can live in the spoils of their awesomeness... Or the fact we both get so wrapped up in reading sometimes and then writing that we forget to do anything else?

Or our love of David Boreanaz (although we disagree on puppet angel--I forgive you), and how you make fun of my love of fluff, and I roll my eyes at your need for boy on boy love. And mostly because when people are being wankers and drinking too much of the hater-ade we just start to laugh and laugh and laugh because really isn't that what all this is all about. I'm just so happy you are my friend. Happy Birthday bb! You are always the Oprah to my Gail and that makes me happy.


To my dear AG, I hope your birthday is full of Jacksper, buttsecks, and angsty strip teases aplenty... and I swear, none of that is as weird as it sounds.

-americnxiot 3>

Sweet soul stealer,

In your prose, I willingly follow you down the dark paths you carve through my psyche. Entranced by complex emotions carried forth by simple words, you tease me with the spectral image of hope, only to blow it from my grasp. You strip me bare and leave me thanking you.

In life, you make me laugh and smile. Your petite form carries a personality that, like your writing, is subtly consuming. With sly measures, you get us all to do your bidding. You are the snake charmer.

I am so happy to have been welcomed into your rhelm.


Happy Birthday, Sam. May Jacksper show up on your doorstep bearing teeny bop magazines and a life supply of pink mint lipgloss.

xxoo anniej

Dearest Sam-wise Gamgee:

I don't want to get all L-word on you, but thank you for being the person I can have srs bsns conversations with at 1am about which marsupial is most likely to be a dom, and which would just be a creeper voyeur. (Is it bestiality if they're only watching?)

For your birthday I vow to always hold your hand through slash shipping abominations and spoon-feed you Jasper/Edward dry-humps until you recover. Also... I got you this picture. Hope you've coon-guarded the sockets.


Happy Birthday AG! Hope you have a wonderful day.
- Megan
(Megan Bagan)

You're the meaning in my life
You're the inspiration
You bring feeling to my life
You're the inspiration

Happy Birthday, AG!

Sorry about the lame lyrics, I can't help it... You just bring out the Peter Cetera in me. I'm addicted to ya, babe. You're a hard habit to break.


I'd just like to say happy birthday to the woman who provides me with panty-dropping versions of old '90s songs and understands my unnatural attraction to words (and will help me find synonyms for things like "protective" - try it, it's not so easy). Sam, you are awesome - and in so many ways, you're the reason I even found fanfiction. So much love for you, bb! I hope you have an amazing year filled with all the word porn and Chris Cornell voice humping you could ever want.


Dearest Sam,

Pastiche asked us to write something up to honor your birthday. After much staring at blank documents, we started chatting. We thought our discussion of you, your fics and what to write was far better than the whole “when we first read Wide Awake, we felt this amazing connection…” emofangirlbullshit… I mean goodness knows by this point Mozzer has had enough crazy fangirl moments to make you fear for rabbits boiling in pots when you come home. I think we told you before that we are a part of this fandom because of you and so just know when you read this and groan and roll your eyes, this is really all */your/* fault. So yeah, you write Katie something amazing for her birthday and for your birthday we give you the gift of reading our gchats. Happy birthday!

Dear WA-loving-non-slash-loving-fangirls. Please don’t hurt us, this is what happens when you get old and watch too much boy porn. Kthanxbye.* *

*Katie = starfish422 / Shannon = mozzer0906*

*Katie*: omg. girl. i am reading sam's new one-shot.
*Shannon:* SO GOOD
*Katie*: EPIC WAIL. she BROKE ME
*Shannon:* brb, I need to ask K to pull the knife out of my chest
*Katie*: I KNOW - and that's what she does to relax. GUH
*Shannon:* has anyone checked on Val? I fear for her tonight.
*Katie*: just a random discharge of angsty energy. I'm shocked that Val was mentioned in the a/n!! I can't see her reading this!
*Shannon:* no, she is probably popping Valium and chasing it with Patron wailing Jasper Jasper
*Katie*: she'll probably rewrite that scene where Jasper *contemplates* suicide, to jasper just offs himself and gets it over with
*Shannon:* lol, yes, it certainly puts you in that "hide the razors" frame of mind, and I'm trying to figure out what to write for her birthday post
*Katie*: I want to listen to Dashboard Confessionals and take a walk in the rain. in black. maybe i'll put some mascara on before i go for maximum emo-ffect
*Shannon:* and all I can think of is like "as I sit surrounded by snot filled tissues wailing over boys under beds I can think of nothing more than wishing you a happy birthday." not really working for me though
*Katie*: Yes, You made me snotsob!! Mazel tov! how do you say, "you sadistic bitch" in Yiddish, though? Maybe Babelfish knows.
*Shannon:* Dear Sam: since I couldn't get you Jasper for your birthday, I decided to get you the next best thing:
*Katie*: LMFAO - that should be listed under "adult novelties"
*Shannon:* I'm glad she finally popped her slash cherry and posted
*Katie*: she can write anything :)
*Shannon:* I've been waiting for this since Edward longingly stared at Jalice in WA and said "It can never be me"
*Katie*: yeah! HELLA hoyay in that story!
*Shannon:* ummm yeah, tell me you didn't want Jasper to lick off the cake batter? TELL ME.
*Katie*: especially those scooby doo pants. can't tell me Edward wasn't thinking of Jasper when he slid those up over his cute ass. "jasper bought me pajamas" mmmmmmmm
*Shannon:* Jasper totally took E to the meadow and got him hammer time and tapped that ass
*Katie*: how else would Edward *know* to go there??
*Shannon:* E is blocking it out, it is something for him and Dr. Carmen to explore later
*Katie*: E called Carlisle and was silent; but he had phone sex with J. :)
*Shannon:* but of course
*Katie*: gigglesnort! and wrote Bella a *letter*. Dear Bella: you suck. Jasper sucks better. Love Edward
* Shannon:* lol, it is how the Porsche got scratched up. Jasper throwing E against it
*Katie*: belt buckles scratch, dude
*Shannon:* exactly, esp when they are ripped down
*Katie*: mmmm, ripping down pants. YUM. cocks springing free from their denim prisons.
*Shannon:* mmm, springing cocks - except Sam likes them in the denim -
or on pillows
*Katie*: wonderschlongs dripping enough precum to slick up an entire cock
*Shannon:* duh, haven't you heard there is nothing Edward's peen can't do?
*Shannon:* because you know IT sparkles
*Katie*: Edward *wanted* to sleep - he couldn't because of the discoball effect of his SPARKLE PEEN.
*Shannon:* omfg - you haven't read WTF yet have you?
*Katie*: no, not yet - it's eighty hundred bintillion twodledy-two words long.
*Shannon:* dry humps for the win. 150K I think - she craps that for breakfast
*Katie*: (that's the most disgusting thing you've ever said, btw)
*Shannon:* I'm crying
*Katie*: (unless you meant *before* breakfast) - (in which case...yeah, still pretty gross)
*Shannon:* yes, that is what I meant my beta
*Katie*: you're welcome, my muse
*Shannon:* WTF am I going to write?
*Shannon:* oh I know what I can write: "Dear Sam, my son sang "All the Pretty Horses" to me the other day and I thought of emo boys watching their fathers get burned, so, yeah, thanks for that… HAPPY BIRTHDAY"
*Shannon:* ugh, I have to go before K has a “random emotional breakdown” -
which one of us is going to check on Val? - I’m worried for her after what Sam did to Jasper. Then again causing your readers to off themselves would be the ultimate in fandomwankery.
*Katie*: I’ll check on her after I go out. now, where's my mascara...? We love you AngstyGoddess. May Mr. AG be blessed with Edward’s fictional peen for a day and the cats stay out of the way. Perhaps breaking in the picnic table is in order?

From Moon.witche:

"The song says it all. And I mean ALL." -Moon.witche

Aunt Sam:

I go last (cuz I'm the only other one with posting rights and a superior knowledge of html BWAH-HA-HA). Just wanted to say, as your favorite sadist, that you are my most beloved masochist. Your wordiness, excessively foul mouth, and deep devotion to writing out all gestures in complex-compound sentences will always be dear, adored, and close to my heart. I swear to God Amelia is cursing over our total corruption of her blog, but hopefully with a happy, southern twangy sort of curse. Heh. Happy birthday. :)

-Pastiche Pen

Feel free to leave more love below.





    You all just amke me so deep down gusy/happy/giddy and OMG I GOT BOY SLASH FER MAH BIRFDAY. Sorry mom. You cannot compete. Well, you could try, but that would scar me for life, jsjsjsjsjs.

    More to comment when I'M LESS CAPS LOCK-Y!!!!

  2. Sam,

    Here is wishing you the absolute best birthday! Thanks for all you do!

  3. Sam,

    You're wonderful and awesome with awesome sauce on top. I love everything you contribute with.

    Happy Fucking Birthday =D

  4. Wow. What a great birthday tribute. You're so lucky to have such great friends. Happy Birthday!


    Was gone all day and submitted my request to leave you some birthday love toooo late. Fail.

    That said, here it is:

    Thank you for all the crazy late night "WC's" and for aiding me in my slash fic and grungey/acoustic music obsession. Also, thanks for being awesome. You're amazing, extremely talented and so sweet.

    Hope your birthday is fabulous in every way.


  6. Okay. I've gotten some sleep, had pickle juice for breakfast, and can return to comment appropriately.

    To Angel: You're just the bestest heterosexual life partner anyone could wish for her. Thanks for putting up with my rants and vents and boy love and for being Robsessed FOR me, because we both know you have enough robsession for two and I could really use the help. Also, I'm watching Angel right now, the one where Darla is all sick and wants Angel to make her rawr vampy. DB is the own. Anyway, you make me all internally fluffy.

    Rach: I miss yer face. You're just one of the sweetest people in fandom and so nice and generous and smart and mindblowingly creative. And seriously. You do the best angsty Rob strip tease impression ever.

    EJ Santry: You make me feel special. And not in the "I need a helmet and have a little drool coming out of my mouth," though, yeah... maybe I'm special like that too. You're the best! Thanks for the reading and feedback and tweets that make me lol for hours.

    Annie: I miss yer face too. But then I see Rob and I get all gooey and imagine you standing at a checkout counter somewhere, peeking over your shoulder, and shamelessly adding a magazine to the conveyer belt. And it makes me smile. You're endearingly shameless. Thanks for being a friend!

    Tonya: Why must you post the cutest raccoon?!?!? I seriously want one now, but I just don't think my fiance would be down with it. And I also don't think it's bestiality. I've been thinking about it (in a totally non gross way) and I think it's more like... bestiaphilia. Thanks for holding my hand during terrifying late night J/J slash reads. ♥

    Amz: BRB, Googling whoever this Peter Cetera is...

    Ok. I've decided that you always like music I've never heard of. I'm going to listen to some Bobby Long in your honor just to figure out wtf... Thanks for being awesome.

    SC: Thank you for always doing pinch betas and for understanding that the 90's were the era of win. I miss our late night chats with Ang about Chris Cornell and Kurt and flannel. So lucky to have you in my box...

    Katie/Shannon: That was by far the most fucking hilarious chat log I have ever read.

    "*Shannon:* no, she is probably popping Valium and chasing it with Patron wailing Jasper Jasper"

    "*Katie*: Mazel tov! how do you say, "you sadistic bitch" in Yiddish, though? Maybe Babelfish knows."

    "*Shannon:* Jasper totally took E to the meadow and got him hammer time and tapped that ass"

    "Dear Bella: you suck. Jasper sucks better. Love Edward"

    "*Katie*: Edward *wanted* to sleep - he couldn't because of the discoball effect of his SPARKLE PEEN."

    Oh, you guys. I had tears streaming down my face reading this shit. Poor Val. I tried to keep it from her because I just knew... but alas, she was a brave woman. Thanks so much for all your comments guys. Even if you want my main character to start pitching (or is E catching? Have you decided yet?) you are both just the best slashy pals I could ever wish for. Truly.


    Touchstone/Val: That banner is like... GUH. SO FUCKING AWESOME! You make the BEST boy love banners! And how about those new Rob pics, huh? GGGGGUH! They are my fave! And you somehow just knew! To use my favest Rob and my favest Jackson and make them all kiss and get them all close and make it so pretty and GUHGUHUG. I saved it to my harddrive for always because it is just so glorious. Thanks for being so awesome and always offering me your time for graphics, reading, reviewing, chatting about gay pron, waxing about the Brents. Ily, shug.

    Pasty P: Without you, I'd be lost. My chapters and stories would suck. This blog would have gone a little farther downhill. I never would have known the essentials of gardening. I would have missed out on the very best things, like philosophical slash discussion, much needed fandom advice, and story discussion that makes Book Club look downright fucking dull. You are one of the most intelligent, sweetest, kindest, most sacrificing people I know, and the time you put forth into the blog and fandom is just cherished by everyone, I know it is. Thanks for being admin with me and saying stuff like, "OH! Watch out, you're about to step in wank." You save me from wank. I'll never be able to thank you enough.

    Violette said... "Wow. What a great birthday tribute. You're so lucky to have such great friends."

    Unbelievably lucky. Truly, wholly, undeniably. Thanks you so much for the well-wishes.

    Ahelm: Whenever I'm up real late working on a project, I always look for your green chat sign. You're one of the funnest most hilarious people in my box. And thank you for even talking to me in the first place. I'm a total Dull Debbie, but you took the chance to get to know me. I'm so blessed.

    Thanks to everyone for the comments! This is honestly one of the most memorable b-day surprises I've ever gotten. I love this fandom and this blog and all of you and...


    I'm being so fluffy. Someone better start calling me awful names real soon or I won't know how to react.

    Love you guys!

    ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

  8. Wishing you a day filled with booze, shopping, and cunnilingus.

    Okay, on second thought, you may not be into that stuff, but it's always what I want to do on my birthday.


  9. How is this a question? Edward is totally a pitcher.

    I hope you have a wonderful birthday.

  10. Happy Birthday, AG

    You don't know me, but your story is what brought me to the Fandom and for that I will be forever grateful. In fact, your story gave me the courage to write my first ever fanfic because it is, like WA, highly OOC and truly different.

    Wishing you many happy returns of this Day!

    Beverlyn (belli486)

  11. Happy Birthday to you AG. You were one of the first authors I ever read on FanFic and I was inspired to write my own stories because of you.

    I hope you have a great BDay and I hope you get everything you wished for!


  12. Happy Birthday Sam. Hope you have a great day =)

  13. Get out!

    I get to gush here, too :)

    Happy birthday! Again.

    In no particular order...

    You accomplished loads! Motherly? Douglas Adams is the shit. She coughs up 5ok in morning goobers. What slash cherry? Her voice is the cutest fucking thing ever. Touchstone rocks. I think you just read wank...

    I am guilty of adoring you, but don't care. And Mr. AG needs to do stuff to make it the best day ever. If he isn't already.

    <3 Frenchie.

    And Pastiche, I fucking love you, too. About to read...

  14. Agreed with everyone else. You're awesome, and although I'm sure you're aware, I just want to tell you that your writing inspires SO MANY of us.

    Have a happy birthday!!!

  15. Happy Birthday Sam, I hope you enjoy your cake & icecream with your mommy!

  16. Yeah, it's not many writers that can make me cry over fictional fucking characters - but that one-shot, baby... Dayum. I really thought Jasper was going to take a razor under that bed with him and make it all go away.

    In all seriousness, when I started fanfiction you were a legend to me, a celebrity, intimidatingly unattainable. Now, nearly a year later, I am honored to call you a friend.

    <3 Happy Birthday, Sam <3
    - Trish

  17. Girl, you crack my ass up! Peter Cetera?...Hellooo, CHICAGO? Oh, I forget you're a young'n. And you better be listening to Bobby Long & Sam Bradley & Marcus Foster for that matter. I'll send the EP's, CD's and live performances to you, too, if I have to. ;)

    I love ya, bb, have a terrific birthday!

  18. You deserve the Happiest of Birthdays AG - You make this world a nicer place to read. - LOVE YOU!

  19. Happy Happy Happy AG appreciation day!
    you really ARE amazing, thanks for everything you do!
    Have an amazing day!

  20. Your amazing writing skillz have brought many, many people to this fandom,

    I for one thank you. Happy Birthday :)

  21. Coming out of hiding to say Happy Birthday, sugarpop. What a nice surprise for you!

    Love you dearly... enjoy your day.


  22. Happy happy lovely Sam. Hope you have a wonderful day babe!

  23. Omg, happy birthday!

    It's so amazing how much you do, with all the blogs and graphics, and other stuff...WA is the one fic that i'm willing to wait as long as it takes to be able to read the epilogue.

  24. It's my first time coming out of lurk mode, but I wanted to wish AG a Happy Birthday! You are an amazing writer and WA is the reason I started reading twific. My fandom used to be the Sookieverse only, but you changed that. I'm so glad you did.

    I have to add that I also fucking love Angel/DB. I'm popping my Angel DVDs into my player now in your honor!

    Oh and I'm brazilian, so please forgive any mistakes in my post (it's 4:30 am here, my english has gone to hell!).

    Congrats on being fuckawesome!


  25. This is so late, but I didn't want to miss the chance to wish AG a very belated happy birthday! Hope you had a memorable weekend. Thank you so much for sharing your creativity with us in the fandom in so many ways.


  26. Happy Birthiday AG!!! un tris tarde pero bueno, ojala hayas pasado un super super cumple!!!!


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