Happy Birthday Sam

Hi, Fandom!

Today is AG's birthday! So, we came up with this little post in order to celebrate our admin's birthday, just love on a friend a bit, and also say thanks to the countless hours that that said friend and admin puts into this blog.

Sam, I'm always afraid we ask too much of you. Anyhoo, Angel and I wrote you a one-shot, and Touchstone made you a badass banner. So, like, this is your e-birthday blog card or something.

So, ladies, if you feel the need, leave a comment below.

-Pastiche Pen

So, ahem.

Sigh. So, yeah, me and P got together and wrote a little something-something for your birthday. Because we love you. And wellllll, because sigh... I don't want to just go all super ehump on you. It will embarrass both of us, right? Like I don't need to go on about how I pretty much need to say good morning and goodnight to you to make my day okay? And how DW (AG's man) thinks I'm a bad influence when well...yeah. whatever. We know the truth... And how I love rob, and you love Jasper, and it makes us like a complete yin and yang. Or how we like the same random, pervy stuff, that no one else gets, and we spend hours making up our own fic ideas and then we do what we can to leverage other people to write it so we can live in the spoils of their awesomeness... Or the fact we both get so wrapped up in reading sometimes and then writing that we forget to do anything else?

Or our love of David Boreanaz (although we disagree on puppet angel--I forgive you), and how you make fun of my love of fluff, and I roll my eyes at your need for boy on boy love. And mostly because when people are being wankers and drinking too much of the hater-ade we just start to laugh and laugh and laugh because really isn't that what all this is all about. I'm just so happy you are my friend. Happy Birthday bb! You are always the Oprah to my Gail and that makes me happy.

-EZrocksangel

To my dear AG, I hope your birthday is full of Jacksper, buttsecks, and angsty strip teases aplenty... and I swear, none of that is as weird as it sounds.

-americnxiot 3>

Sweet soul stealer,

In your prose, I willingly follow you down the dark paths you carve through my psyche. Entranced by complex emotions carried forth by simple words, you tease me with the spectral image of hope, only to blow it from my grasp. You strip me bare and leave me thanking you.

In life, you make me laugh and smile. Your petite form carries a personality that, like your writing, is subtly consuming. With sly measures, you get us all to do your bidding. You are the snake charmer.

I am so happy to have been welcomed into your rhelm.

-Bethie
(EJsentry)

Happy Birthday, Sam. May Jacksper show up on your doorstep bearing teeny bop magazines and a life supply of pink mint lipgloss.

xxoo anniej

Dearest Sam-wise Gamgee:

I don't want to get all L-word on you, but thank you for being the person I can have srs bsns conversations with at 1am about which marsupial is most likely to be a dom, and which would just be a creeper voyeur. (Is it bestiality if they're only watching?)

For your birthday I vow to always hold your hand through slash shipping abominations and spoon-feed you Jasper/Edward dry-humps until you recover. Also... I got you this picture. Hope you've coon-guarded the sockets.

<3,
Tonya
ilsuocantante

Happy Birthday AG! Hope you have a wonderful day.
- Megan
(Megan Bagan)

You're the meaning in my life
You're the inspiration
You bring feeling to my life
You're the inspiration

Happy Birthday, AG!

Sorry about the lame lyrics, I can't help it... You just bring out the Peter Cetera in me. I'm addicted to ya, babe. You're a hard habit to break.

-Amz
(Britpacksuccubus)

I'd just like to say happy birthday to the woman who provides me with panty-dropping versions of old '90s songs and understands my unnatural attraction to words (and will help me find synonyms for things like "protective" - try it, it's not so easy). Sam, you are awesome - and in so many ways, you're the reason I even found fanfiction. So much love for you, bb! I hope you have an amazing year filled with all the word porn and Chris Cornell voice humping you could ever want.

-sorceresscirce

Dearest Sam,

Pastiche asked us to write something up to honor your birthday. After much staring at blank documents, we started chatting. We thought our discussion of you, your fics and what to write was far better than the whole “when we first read Wide Awake, we felt this amazing connection…” emofangirlbullshit… I mean goodness knows by this point Mozzer has had enough crazy fangirl moments to make you fear for rabbits boiling in pots when you come home. I think we told you before that we are a part of this fandom because of you and so just know when you read this and groan and roll your eyes, this is really all */your/* fault. So yeah, you write Katie something amazing for her birthday and for your birthday we give you the gift of reading our gchats. Happy birthday!

Dear WA-loving-non-slash-loving-fangirls. Please don’t hurt us, this is what happens when you get old and watch too much boy porn. Kthanxbye.* *

*Katie = starfish422 / Shannon = mozzer0906*

*Katie*: omg. girl. i am reading sam's new one-shot.
*Shannon:* SO GOOD
*Katie*: EPIC WAIL. she BROKE ME
*Shannon:* brb, I need to ask K to pull the knife out of my chest
*Katie*: I KNOW - and that's what she does to relax. GUH
*Shannon:* has anyone checked on Val? I fear for her tonight.
*Katie*: just a random discharge of angsty energy. I'm shocked that Val was mentioned in the a/n!! I can't see her reading this!
*Shannon:* no, she is probably popping Valium and chasing it with Patron wailing Jasper Jasper
*Katie*: she'll probably rewrite that scene where Jasper *contemplates* suicide, to jasper just offs himself and gets it over with
*Shannon:* lol, yes, it certainly puts you in that "hide the razors" frame of mind, and I'm trying to figure out what to write for her birthday post
*Katie*: I want to listen to Dashboard Confessionals and take a walk in the rain. in black. maybe i'll put some mascara on before i go for maximum emo-ffect
*Shannon:* and all I can think of is like "as I sit surrounded by snot filled tissues wailing over boys under beds I can think of nothing more than wishing you a happy birthday." not really working for me though
*Katie*: Yes, You made me snotsob!! Mazel tov! how do you say, "you sadistic bitch" in Yiddish, though? Maybe Babelfish knows.
*Shannon:* Dear Sam: since I couldn't get you Jasper for your birthday, I decided to get you the next best thing: http://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/product.asp?order_num=-1&SKU=110722&RN=33
*Katie*: LMFAO - that should be listed under "adult novelties"
*Shannon:* I'm glad she finally popped her slash cherry and posted
*Katie*: she can write anything :)
*Shannon:* I've been waiting for this since Edward longingly stared at Jalice in WA and said "It can never be me"
*Katie*: yeah! HELLA hoyay in that story!
*Shannon:* ummm yeah, tell me you didn't want Jasper to lick off the cake batter? TELL ME.
*Katie*: especially those scooby doo pants. can't tell me Edward wasn't thinking of Jasper when he slid those up over his cute ass. "jasper bought me pajamas" mmmmmmmm
*Shannon:* Jasper totally took E to the meadow and got him hammer time and tapped that ass
*Katie*: how else would Edward *know* to go there??
*Shannon:* E is blocking it out, it is something for him and Dr. Carmen to explore later
*Katie*: E called Carlisle and was silent; but he had phone sex with J. :)
*Shannon:* but of course
*Katie*: gigglesnort! and wrote Bella a *letter*. Dear Bella: you suck. Jasper sucks better. Love Edward
* Shannon:* lol, it is how the Porsche got scratched up. Jasper throwing E against it
*Katie*: belt buckles scratch, dude
*Shannon:* exactly, esp when they are ripped down
*Katie*: mmmm, ripping down pants. YUM. cocks springing free from their denim prisons.
*Shannon:* mmm, springing cocks - except Sam likes them in the denim -
or on pillows
*Katie*: wonderschlongs dripping enough precum to slick up an entire cock
*Shannon:* duh, haven't you heard there is nothing Edward's peen can't do?
*Katie*: WATCH ME SPARKLE
*Shannon:* because you know IT sparkles
*Katie*: Edward *wanted* to sleep - he couldn't because of the discoball effect of his SPARKLE PEEN.
*Shannon:* omfg - you haven't read WTF yet have you?
*Katie*: no, not yet - it's eighty hundred bintillion twodledy-two words long.
*Shannon:* dry humps for the win. 150K I think - she craps that for breakfast
*Katie*: (that's the most disgusting thing you've ever said, btw)
*Shannon:* I'm crying
*Katie*: (unless you meant *before* breakfast) - (in which case...yeah, still pretty gross)
*Shannon:* yes, that is what I meant my beta
*Katie*: you're welcome, my muse
*Shannon:* WTF am I going to write?
*Katie:* HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SAM!!!!!
*Shannon:* oh I know what I can write: "Dear Sam, my son sang "All the Pretty Horses" to me the other day and I thought of emo boys watching their fathers get burned, so, yeah, thanks for that… HAPPY BIRTHDAY"
*Shannon:* ugh, I have to go before K has a “random emotional breakdown” -
which one of us is going to check on Val? - I’m worried for her after what Sam did to Jasper. Then again causing your readers to off themselves would be the ultimate in fandomwankery.
*Katie*: I’ll check on her after I go out. now, where's my mascara...? We love you AngstyGoddess. May Mr. AG be blessed with Edward’s fictional peen for a day and the cats stay out of the way. Perhaps breaking in the picnic table is in order?

From Moon.witche:

"The song says it all. And I mean ALL." -Moon.witche

Aunt Sam:

I go last (cuz I'm the only other one with posting rights and a superior knowledge of html BWAH-HA-HA). Just wanted to say, as your favorite sadist, that you are my most beloved masochist. Your wordiness, excessively foul mouth, and deep devotion to writing out all gestures in complex-compound sentences will always be dear, adored, and close to my heart. I swear to God Amelia is cursing over our total corruption of her blog, but hopefully with a happy, southern twangy sort of curse. Heh. Happy birthday. :)

-Pastiche Pen

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