Judging Jasper is a Jarring Justification to Juggle Jubilation.
October was a very busy month for me. It wasn't so much writing as much as... reading. You see, I did this little thing in which I agreed to judge a contest. It was my very first and I was completely ignorant as to the specifics and rules and etiquette and... everything.
LaViPastichelovingly walked myself and the other judges—
SorceressCirce—through what was to be done.
I mean, look. I'm nobody. I'm in no position to judge anything. I haven't written much and what I HAVE written is barely certifiable as amateur. I have no illusions, but I was definitely honored and humbled to be asked to fill the position in the contest. It was like... a pretty big deal to me, you know?
I read a lot of Jasper fic. No. Really. Like... A LOT. I wasn't a skimmer, either. I had a spreadsheet, dudes. I was anal-retentive like you wouldn't believe. I wanted to rate every aspect and facet of each paragraph. I wanted to be thorough and find the gems, pick them out, rec them to the world, and ask the authors for continuations. Among the nearly 100 stories that I dutifully read, many stood out to me. Many of those were recognized as either winners or honorable mentions. But some of them didn't, and every judge has their favorites, as we're all individuals.
This is my list.
When I first spotted the pairing on this, my first reaction was utter shock. James/Jasper? Seriously? I mean... I didn't know if I could handle all that. Luckily, it wasn't 'like that'. I kept waiting for some slashy times, and was even... shamefully... a little disappointed that they were just friends. Of course the weirdness continued throughout this whole story. In a very good way, mind you.
James, the star of this fic, is a terminally ill dude. He's not villainous or bad or mean spirited. He's just a guy trying to make the best of the time he has left. That alone brought a little pang to my heart as I watched him struggle through his diagnosis, come to terms with his fate, console his mother, and deliver the news to his best friend, Jasper.
“What’s new, bro?” He asked, grasping my hand and patting my back.
“Same shit,” I said.
“You said it.”
“You gonna have to go through all that treatment again? Shit dude.”
“Not this time,” I mumbled, pulling out my papers and rolling me a bad boy. Jasper offered me his lighter and I dragged that amber nectar in my lungs and savoured the burn.
“I should fucking quit, this shit’ll kill you.”
“Nah,” Jasper muttered. “Cancer kills you; smoking just makes you care less.”
Jasper is the quintessential wing man here, James' right hand man. We get a sense that they've been friends for a very long time, but it's not a cheesy friendship or anything. One of the most admirable facets of this story for me is how the author was able to keep us inside the head and relationship of two men. It's mutual, yet never overbearing, deep, yet never sickly sweet, and understanding, yet never unfeasible. Their
friendship is relateable and practical.
“I can’t,” I whispered. The dog was hurt, that much was obvious, and we had no cash on us to pay for vet bills. Besides, the new bank balance wouldn’t be enough. Those bills could be immense.
“We can’t leave him.” Jasper edged closer. “That’s inhumane, dude.”
“I can’t do it,” I said again, brushing my hand over the crispy fur. The blood was dry and I could only imagine how long this poor creature had lay here.
I don’t know why, but I felt tears fill my eyes. The alley was dirty and cold, and this dog was all alone and dying. Jasper was right. We should end his misery.
“Do you want me to do it?”He offered.
“You’re gonna have too, I can’t.” I stood and let him pass me.
“Shush,” I heard him whisper as he caressed the broken animal, and the dog whimpered, but looked back with eyes full of trust. It fucking killed me.
I turned and walked to the entrance and waited for him to do his job; I couldn’t watch.
I heard movement behind me but didn’t want to imagine what the fuck was going on behind me. Jasper eventually came and stood beside me; I handed him a roll up and we smoked in silence for a while.
“It was the right thing to do,” Jasper finally offered. He’d done the deed, but he was comforting me? This was fucked up shit and so like him; always neutralizing the crap out of any situation.
This story starts rolling when we're introduced to Victoria, a bank teller, and Jasper gets the brilliant idea that they should rob the bank she works at. James' mother will be left with all of his exorbitant medical bills once he passes and he longs to leave her something, anything to make it easier on her. Yeah, pang again. James agrees, and so begins their adventure of procuring the loot with which James will seal his final duty on earth. This whole bank heist could have easily been ridiculous and shark jumpy (can you jump the shark in a one-shot? Hmm...) but the author did a magnificent job of making it entirely logical, right down to the characters inside of the bank. I was on the edge of my seat until the final line, where I must admit, a few tears may have escaped.
“You’ll make sure she gets my share?” I asked him again as we sat in contemplation.
Jasper nodded. “Cross my heart Dude.”
“Fuck that shit! Do I look like a 13 year old school girl?”
He laughed and tussled up my hair. “With that pony tail? Fuck no.”
I moved my head away from his hand. I was proud of my hair; it had taken me two long years to grow it after I’d shaved it all off during treatment. It was evidence that I’d survived.
“You will do it then?” I asked him, my voice quiet this time.
“I always keep my word,” he said. He raised his hand and I met it with mine, palms slapped; comrade in arms.
What the fuck were we doing?
This story stuck with me weeks after I'd read. Nestled like a little gem amongst all of the romance fics in the contest, it was a breath of fresh air to read about the casual connection between two dudes--one just trying to make it in the world and the other trying to find an easy way out of it.
It's no big secret that I covet the well-written dry hump. It's no big secret that I covet the well-written slash fic. Combine these two things and I have an instant ficrection, straining against my proverbial ficzipper. Too much? Meh. I'd do the little 'boing' sound, but that seems kinda childish, considering, yeah?
Anyway, Need an Excuse starts out oddly enough, with Edward and Jasper breaking into Bella's house. Edward has taken a rather sizable blow to his ego when he was dumped by his girlfriend, Bella. She may have insulted his sexual performance upon ending the relationship. Edward is not amused and plans to steal Bella's much adored vibrator in order to vindicate himself. He drags along his poor, closeted gay friend, Jasper, who we find to have been nursing a secret crush on Edward for some time. Poor dude.
Needless to say, this otherwise harmless B&E (points for puns?) takes a turn for the worst when Bella comes home, forcing the two, symbolically, into a dark closet to hide from her. Oh, BFig, your symbolism is WIN WIN WIN! I'm ashamed to say, it took me a while to get it. Let's keep that between us, though, kay?
So... Bella comes home and decides to play with her little vibratey friend for a while. Resounding moans and overall hilarity ensue when Edward grows aroused by her vocal masturbation, which in turn, arouses Jasper, who is pressed just so close to him yummy friend...
“Dude, you’re hard.”
Oh fuck. Kill me now. Please.
“Close quarters, Bella’s dancing like a gypsy, can’t help it, man, I’m sorry.” He didn’t have to know that Beatnik’s dancing wasn’t doing anything for me.
“Don’t worry about it. I just wish I could turn around,”
Believe me. I wish you could, too.
So, what did he do? He shifted his body again, somehow thinking he can turn around.
And holy hell. I’m not the only one with a problem.
“Shut it, Jazz. Don’t you say a word.”
I swallowed hard and tried my damndest to keep my eyes from rolling in the back of my head.
“Wasn’t about to,” I lied.
Cue the hump.
And I mean... WOW.
The UST here is palpable! Edward just needs his little issue taken care of and figures that Jasper does too. After all, Bella is quite loud and what straight man wouldn't be turned on by all that moaning? Oh, you blind fucker. It's cool though. Edward makes up for it with a little friction in the form of humping.
But there's a clincher here, folks. The entirety of this dry hump?
No way. No fucking way.
“I’m sorry…don’t be mad at me…I..I can’t help it,” he whispered in my ear.
I couldn’t say anything in response and thought my heart would stop when his hands settled on my hips. Instead of stopping, it sped up as I pressed harder against him.
“Jesus, Jasper…seems you need this as much as I do,” Edward gasped.
You have no fucking clue.
Off in some distant land I could hear Bella swiftly approaching her climax as her cries grew more insistent. And, of course, as the intensity and volume of her vocalizations increased, so did Edward’s. Soft, restrained moans and whimpers bathed my ear and he actually began to rhythmically grind his hips against me.
Good GOD, it's just too awesome for words. I'm growing incoherent even attempting. Bravo BFig for some of the best fanfriction I've read in a long time. Is it hot in here? Jesus. GUH.
I talked about this oneshot for weeks, making Touchstone67 fill people in with the title and author once I was out of proverbial earshot.
I just gave it my own name: Real Men Do it Vertically.
BFig, bb. You HAVE to continue this. You just... you just have to. I can't even imagine a reality in which you don't, okay? So just... dew eet!
She keeps going on and on, popping her gum and discussing the boy that had gotten out on the passenger side. Bella has a thing for Edward Cullen. But me? I can take him or leave him.
I'm a Jasper Whitlock kind of girl.
Jasper reaches up and brushes his disheveled, dirty blonde hair out of his eyes, and for a second, I swear my heart stops. He's holding his red, spiral notebook in one hand, and twirling his keys around the index finger of his other one. He's wearing nothing but a simple, tight, white t-shirt and his well worn, ripped and tattered jeans, which are hanging dangerously low and being held up by his signature, leather studded belt. I want to be that belt. The wallet chain hanging out of his pocket is pulling his pants further down. I can see his gray boxer briefs. I am in heaven.
I figured this was ooohlalalala once I finished. I'm a huge fan of her shit. Neighbor Boy was on my rec list for a long time, not to mention her multi-chaptered gems which consumed me for days at a time.
Lost and Found offers us the very appealing and rebellious pair of friends, Edward and Jasper. They're pretty much those two dudes in high school that were bad ass without trying, unattainable to all, but spoken of often. Alice and Bella are the underclass(wo)men, swooning from afar, inspecting and obsessing over what the duo might be like, should anyone have the balls to find out. Well, this wouldn't be an awesome fic if someone didn't.
It's Alice who first breaches, meeting Jasper by chance at a cafe while sneaking out of her house one night. They talk a little, kiss a little, then Edward and Jasper take her home. For Alice it's basically like spending an hour with... idk who the kids like nowadays, but I'll say Jackson Rathbone, cause he's yummy and it fits, kay? Anyway, he ends up showing up at her house the next night, where she sneaks out again, runs to his truck (did I tell you he drives a truck? Why is this hot? Fuck if I know) and promptly makes out with him.
This goes on and on and Alice is plunged into a nightly routine of sweaty truck cab romps with her fantasy beau. Eventually, this isn't enough, and we see more than a little angst as Alice come to terms with being a
very likely fling.
The real clincher of this fic is Jasper and oooohlalalalala's portrayal of him. His is J.I.L.F.y like a mofo, folks.
They just are. They just always have been.
One day last year, Jasper was leaning against his locker with just his shoulders, and his hips were out in front of him, and his shirt rode up and I saw his treasure trail and I swear I almost wet myself because that was the day I found out he has a tattoo. No one in Forks High has a tattoo- well, except for maybe Edward but I've never seen his so I don't care. I don't know exactly what Jasper's says, but it's black and near his pelvic bone, and I made it my personal goal in life to find out what that tattoo says. And maybe to see how it tastes.
Ooooohlalalalala captures the essence of teenage UST, angst, confusion, wit, and hormonal sex drives once again. How does she DO it? I don't know, but I kinda want to marry her a little (lot). I know, she's no longer writing new fic. I KNOW! MY HEART IS BROKEN INTO A MILLION PIECES AND I CAN NOT SPEAK OF THIS FOR I WILL LOSE MY SHIT.
It ain't easy being a southern dude. Darlin' britches, you gotta get your twang on the up and up, or I'll get flouncy before you can spittle on yer griddle.
Not an issue here! AHelm and Ilsuocantante capture the atmosphere of the south and Blessing, TX (Which I'm told exists) with such perfect clarity, that I can taste the red clay dirt and feel my pits getting all moist
Well, it's named after a Skynard song, so already, I'm cautiously intrigued by default. Bella, attorney at law and big city girl with a penchant for pencil skirts. Jasper, attorney at law, down home boy, raising his little firm from his sexy little bootstraps. Their clients? Sam and Leah Uley, of course.
I guess you could call it wishful thinking, but I really hoped that one day, it would be an accurate statement.
I’d opened the office six months prior and worked my ass off to get where I was. I’d graduated with my law degree a year before and moved back to the tiny town I’d been born in, Blessing, Texas. There were less than a thousand people there, but my grandparents, who’d raised me, thanks to my absent mother and father, lived in Blessing and therefore, it was where my heart resided.
There's no catch here to Jasper. I mean, being southern doesn't exactly mean that you can expect him to be chewing on a piece of straw and wearing a ten gallon stetson. That's what I love so much about this Southernsper. He's no different from everyone else. Ahelm and ilsuocantante didn't feel it necessary to exaggerate his roots in his dialog and gestures. He's just a normal dude with manners, a love for a small town, and a desire to keep things... simple.
Each placed on one end of a rather nasty divorce case, Jasper and Bella are forced to collaborate over... legal... stuff. I'm not versed in this subject, kay? Jasper is all hot and my mind wanders. Bella uses his office for some much hard-to-come-by broadband internet, Jasper admires her from afar, one thing leads to another, bada bing, bada boom...
I have to admire the smut written here. I noted it, clearly impressed by the writers' ability to keep the moment fresh and as intense as it should have been.
I'd never felt anything so raw; I was pure sensation.
You ever read one of those stories that is either complete shit or pure genuis, depending on the intention? I mean... I was pretty sure this was crackfic, but guys... I read like 100 fics and the quality was... ahem... varying, if you know what I mean. So I kept floundering, certain at one moment that it was crackfic--which made it AWESOME--but then I'd get a little wishy washy and wonder if the author wasn't being serious--which would have made it NOT awesome.
I've concluded that it's crackfic. I know it is. It has to be. And this is why it's GENIUS. Pure, shining, hilarious glory.
Jasper is a cat, and well, we don't 'get' that right away, so he just seems a little... freakishly skiddish, and... a little demented, yeah?
I always brushed up against Bella and went between her legs when Alice said something like that. It was true; you could often see the beginning of cobwebs forming between Bella’s legs.
I was all, "WOAH! What?" Then I was all, "Dude. Tell Edward to go fuck himself or something, wtf?" Then I was all, "Wait. What?" Then I was all, "Is this serious?" Then I was all, "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA." It's gold, people. Alice is his owner/protector/maker-of-jokes-about-Bella's-cobwebby-private-regions. She's deliciously melded with all of those recognizable fic cliches in the most hilarious of ways.
Same goes for Edward and Bella, the couple that is but isn't. Even Esme and Carlisle are bearing the stigma of fandom abuse in all of their parently disregard. In a funny way. I'm not explaining this very well, am I? You just have to read. It's quick, lighthearted, hilarious, snort-out-your-Dr. Pepper awesome.
I'll leave you with this totally glorious New Moon rendition, if everyone were human. And Jasper was a... cat.
I wanted to play with that sparkly fabric. I could not wait to get my hands on it, to run my nails through it. Heaven! Mid-pounce, I felt something throw me back. I looked up and saw that Edward, of course, had knocked me away from getting to the wooly sparkles. Damn him, always ruining my fun.
I Always Knew was one of my favorite angst fics of this contest. The author gave us a history and allowed us to progress with the characters. I also secretly adore tomboy Alice with her bravery and tenacity and willingness to get dirty with the boys without being prissy. Her character is endearing from the very start.
She stomped her foot again and glared at him. It was an intimidating look, even at such a young age. Jimmy shifted uncomfortably.
“I am a pirate,” she said with distinction and a low growl. “Not a girl.”
“Okay,” I said agreeably, making her straighten and look over in surprise. After a moment, a huge grin lighted her face.
I shrugged. She had been saying she was a pirate, so why was she asking me?
“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” she exclaimed, rushing forward and wrapping her arms around me. I froze unsure what to do, and looked at Jimmy in a panic. He looked just as scared by her as I was.
“Uh…” I said slowly. “I don’t think pirates hug.”
Jimmy nodded his fervent agreement, and the girl immediately stepped away, scowling and nodding. “Of course. I knew that,” she insisted.
So, you get another on of those... years pass, they're bound at the hip, Jasper discovers that girls are pretty and in turn, so is Alice, and BAM! You have the setup for some pretty nice angst. We even get a little attached to Jasper's sensible, loving mother. Well, before the author promptly kills both of Jasper's parents in a fatal car accident. Viva la angst!
Jasper has to go away to Texas to live with his only remaining relatives, where he grows up in a hostile atmosphere full of bitterness for his new life and his anguish at having lost his perfect one. We're pulled into his journey when he finds Maria during high school and, out of apathy, allows her to manipulate him into doing her dark deeds and satisfying her every whim.
She made money off of me, and then she spent it on drugs, alcohol, and Lord knows what else.
Eventually, she had a few other guys who fought for her. She had a just-above crappy house that we all lived in. The other guys mainly hated me, because I was her favorite. The favorite fighter, the favorite lover, the favorite in fucking general. They didn’t know how fucking lucky they were not to have so much of her attention.
Two years of my life was spent like this. Fighting. Drugs. Drinking. Maria. Fighting. Maria. Drinking. Drugs. Maria. It was monotonous, unfulfilling, and I spent much of my time when I wasn’t doing one of the aforementioned staring into space and trying to ignore the aching hollow in me.
Jasper's self-described 'hollowness' is often palpable and very vivid to the reader. After a moment of clarity, he eventually decides that he doesn't want to live under Maria's thumb anymore, at which point, we feel a ray of light that just proves how good angst is. IDK. When I can feel hope, I know it's because I've spent so much of the story with a lack of it, you know? This is what gets me about this story. I'm hoping for Jasper, in his place, as he finally decides that enough is enough.
He returns to Georgia and his childhood neighborhood and is reunited with Alice and her mother, who manage to pull from him the tale of his life post-Texas. All in all, this one-shot is a journey, Jasper taking us along for his rollercoaster ride. I feel like it really captured the essence of the contest theme, to explore Jasper's mind and emotions, his logic for reacting to certain situations, and his loyalty to what he eventually finds passion for.
The original title for this banner award was "AngstGoddess003-s Favorite Holy Fucking Christ, Why Don't I Just Hand You The Razorblades Now and You can Just Fucking Slit My Wrists First and Save Me the Agony, Okay? JFC.
But that didn't fit.
This fandom has a new fascination with death lately, and I don't mean the usual "kill Bella so you can fuck her without shattering her pelvis" kind of death obsession, either. It's everywhere I look, it seems. Deadward deadward deadward. I get the pull to writing tragedy, I do. I love angst just as much as the next psycho. I think the first story to really jump out at me in the recent string of tragedy was Always Charmed. It is such a sweet story, the growth and tale of Bella and Jasper's childhood friendship. The author does a magnificent job at showing its progression and maturity over the years.
It all starts with a charm bracelet that Jasper gave Bella in first grade when they were selected to be one anothers' Secret Santa.
I looked down at the little red box perched in front of me. I opened the lid and this time it was my mouth that was gaping open.
Inside was a thin silver bracelet with one tiny charm - a Texas Ranger star.
“My Mom said that girls like jewelry. And I wanted something that you would remember was from me. Do you like it?” he asked apprehensively, his knee still bouncing wildly.
I was more of a tom boy than most girls and didn’t really like jewelry all that much. But there was something about that tiny silver bracelet that made me want to wear it immediately, and every day thereafter.
“I really like it, Jasper, thank you. Will you help me put it on?”
As they grew inseparable, Jasper proceeded to give Bella new charms for her bracelet, each one symbolizing something unique and special to their bond. I know, that seems so gross fluffy, but the author does such a fantastic job of making this relatable and all together, sweet, but not nauseating. I got lost in the connection between the two, picking out little signs as I went that showed that, maybe, Jasper was feeling more for Bella than simple friendship.
Then comes the fail.
God, I'm choking up just thinking about it.
Jasper is sick with a bad heart condition and needs a new one. Bella is lost and trying to remain strong for him, but we can feel her palpable agony in every sentence.
And then... the heart comes, but...
I could feel him leave me, leave me soul.
IT GETS WORSE, FOLKS.
He leaves Bella packages and instructions to only open each one when the occasions arrive. There's one for graduation, for which she opens to find a new charm for her bracelet: a little silver diploma. The final charm, the twenty fifth charm, is Bella's favorite flower, and she opens it, as instructed, on the day she gets married.
Heartrending isn't even a strong enough word for this story. I'm literally, crying right now having read it once again. God, this is embarrassing.
There were so many more, honestly, but I couldn't banners for all twenty and blurbs and... sigh. I'm just so busy with
FGBstuff, but I do hope that everyone will give a looksie to the above stories and not neglect the very awesome
For the Love of Jasper archive, simply because the contest is over.
To see the winners of the contest, please visit
The FtLoJ Blog
Thanks so much for reading! ♥
Angstgoddess003 is the angst-loving, dry-hump promoting author of Wide Awake and Withering the Ferns. If you didn't notice, she also happens to have a Jasper fetish. She also likes to curse and rant about ASCII code and unlubricated slashin' and the social dynamic among her cats. She's the nicest, most-giving person ever. (And yes, Pastiche wrote this bit.)